Ariel's Beginning- I Remember

Under the bright, blue, endless sky
Wait, I remember that
How I know that song
I remember sitting in the moonlight and that feeling
What's that feeling?
I remember

Yes, how I know that song
Though it's been so long
I remember happiness without a floor or ceiling
What's that feeling?
I remember

Oh, I remember her
And how we were
I remember wanting what the evening would be bringing
I remember singing
Under the bright, blue, endless sky
And I, I remember
I remember music

And I'm never going back to the silent law they wrote
I will sing in every tempo,
Every last chromatic note
For I, I remember her
I remember music
And I remember love

just in case he visits

People fall in love in mysterious ways
Maybe it's all part of the plan
But ill just keep on making the same mistakes
Hoping that you'll understand

So baby now
Take me into your loving arms
Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars
Place your hand on my beating heart

I'm thinking out loud

last post!! yay!!!

I'm ending this good awful blog, once and for all. I hate it. Almost as much as I hate leaving the house. I broke up with the boyfriend as well. I have my reasons, mostly just the fact that I'm tired. IF I COULD JUST GATHER UP THE NERVE TO END IT ALREADY MY LIFE WOULD BE SO MUCH EASIER because it'd be over. Finally.
Don't follow me.

Ed Sheeran- Thinking Out Loud

When your legs don't work like they used to before
And I can't sweep you off of your feet
Will your mouth still remember the taste of my love?
Will your eyes still smile from your cheeks?

And I will be loving you until we're seventy
And my heart could still fall as hard at twenty three
And I'm thinking about how
People fall in love is mysterious ways
Maybe just the touch of a hand
Me, I fall in love with you every single day
And I just want to tell you I am

So, honey, now take me into your loving arms
Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars
Place your hand on my beating heart
I'm thinking out loud
That maybe we found love right where we are

When my hair's all gone and my memory fades
And the crowds don't remember my name
When my hands don't play strings the same way
I know you will still love me the same

'Cause, honey, your soul could never grow old, it's evergreen
And, baby, your smile's forever in my mind and memory
I'm thinking about how
People fall in love in mysterious ways
Maybe it's all part of a plan
Well, I'll just keep on making the same mistakes
Hoping that you'll understand

But, baby, now take me into your loving arms
Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars
Place your hand on my beating heart
I'm thinking out loud
That maybe we found love right where we are

So, baby, now take me into your loving arms
Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars
Place your hand on my beating heart
I'm thinking out loud
That maybe we found love right where we are

Oh baby, we found love right where we are
And we found love right where we are

Straight up though

So I'm babysitting right and the tiny little ones are asleep so I'm basically just waiting for their parents to get home which is all good I'm glad they can go to their concert thing but I'm super bored even though

• They have two cats and about an hour ago I discovered I am very allergic to cats like, who knew
• I have chatting with "the bae" to look forward to but honest to goodness I get super uncontrollably overanalyze-y and insecure when I don't talk to him for a couple of days and it's a super huge problem
• I have my phone which means I can text my people but nah

So yeah I stand by my previous posts meaning suicide is still a very viable option I'm thinking about. I do love how it sounds so calm on paper but in my head it is kind of like, in fifty different fonts and sizes and screaming and whispering and normal talking all at once. It's a fun time.

I'm done

You know, I'm actually really mad at you. When you said that you didn't feel those emotions, you didn't mean it. I don't know why the hell you thought you could fake your indifference. But whatever. I'm just going to have to wait for you to figure out that I'm incapable of that feeling. Like I've been saying. God, I thought you knew that when you were walking into this.I can barely talk to you without being so mad I can't even speak because now I have to break a heart because YOU lied

Explanation

No, girls are never satisfied. Want to know why? Because we spend all our time changing the person we supposedly "fell for" because we want to end up with a Prince Charming. So all of our time is spent being unhappy because all our changes aren't working but we don't want to admit to anyone, much less ourselves that we want out significant other to change in the first place. Don't worry, the joke is on us in the end, because fairytales aren't real.

Alex Clare- Too Close

You know I'm not one to break promises
I don't want to hurt you but I need to breathe
At the end of it all you're still my best friend
But there's something inside that I need to release

Which way is right, which way is wrong?
How do I say that I need to move on?
You know we're heading separate ways

C: And it feels like I am just too close to love you
There's nothing I can really say
I can lie no more, I can hide no more
Got to be true to myself
And it feels like I am just too close to love you
So I'll be on my way

You've given me more than I can return
Yet there's oh so much that you deserve
Nothing to say, nothing to do
I've nothing at all, I must live without you
You know we're heading separate ways

C

It feels like I am just too close to love you
So I'll be on my way

Idina Menzel- Defying Gravity

Something has changed within me, something is not the same
I'm through with playing by the rules of someone else's game
Too late for second-guessing, too late to go back to sleep
It's time to trust my instincts, close my eyes and leap

It's time to try defying gravity
I think I'll try defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye I'm defying gravity
And you won't bring me down

I'm through accepting limits cause someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change, but until I try I'll never know
Too long I've been afraid of losing love I guess I lost
Well, if that's love, it comes at much too high a cost

I'd sooner buy defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye I'm defying gravity
And you won't bring me down

Unlimited, my future is unlimited
And I've had a vision almost like a prophecy
I know it sounds truly crazy, and true, the vision's hazy
But I swear someday I'll be

 Flying so high, defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye, defying gravity

So if you care to find me, look to the western sky
As someone told me lately, "Everyone deserves a chance to fly"
And if I'm flying solo, at least I'm flying free
To those who ground me, take a message back from me

Tell them how I am defying gravity
I'm flying high defying gravity
And you can never bring me down

Those Quotes Tho

• I say I don't want to talk about it. Actually, I do, but  I'm afraid of your reaction. I'm afraid that you'll never see me as an equal again. I'm afraid of the pity in your eyes when you realize how screwed up I am
• And sometimes it hits me out of nowhere, all of a sudden, this overwhelming sadness rushes over me and I get discouraged. And I get upset. And I feel hopeless, sad, and hurt. And once again, I feel numb to the world.
• A world so hateful some would rather die than be who they are

Roxette- It Must Have Been Love

Lay a whisper on my pillow, leave the winter on the ground
I wake up lonely, there's air of silence in the bedroom
And all around
Touch me now, I close my eyes and dream away

It must have been love but it's over now
It must have been good but I lost it somehow
It must have been love but it's over now
From the moment we touched, until the time had run out

Make-believing we're together, that I'm sheltered by your heart
But in and outside I've turned to water like a teardrop in your palm
And it's a hard winters day, I dream away

It must have been love but it's over now
It must have been good but I lost it somehow
It must have been love but it's over now
From the moment we touched, until the time had run out

BTW, Pretty Woman is such a good movie!!

Keane- Somewhere Only We Know

I walked across an empty land
I knew the pathway like the back of my hand
I felt the earth beneath my feet
Sat by the river and it made me complete

C: Oh simple thing, where have you gone?
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

I came across a fallen tree
I felt the branches of it looking at me
Is this the place where we used to love?
Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?

C

 And if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go somewhere only we know?

C

And if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go somewhere only we know?

This could be then end of everything
So why don't we go somewhere only we know?
Somewhere only we know?
Somewhere only we know?

The Lion King 2- My Lullaby

Sleep, my little Kovu
Let your dreams take wing
One day when you're big and strong
You will be a king

I've been exiled, persecuted, left alone with no defense
When I think of what that brute did, I get a little tense
But I dream a dream so pretty, that I don't feel so depressed
'Cause it soothes my inner kitty, and it helps me get some rest

The sound of Simba's dying gasp
His daughter squealing in my grasp
His lionesses' mournful cry
That's my lullaby

Now the past I've tried forgetting, and my foes I could forgive
Trouble is, I know it's petty, but I hate to let them live
   So you found yourself somebody who'd chase Simba up a tree
Oh, the battle may be bloody, but that kind of works for me

The melody of angry growls
The counterpoint of painful howls
A symphony of death, oh my
That's my lullaby

 Scar is gone, but Zira's still around to love this little lad
Until he learns to be a killer with a lust for being bad
   Sleep you little termite! uh... I mean, precious little thing
One day when you're big and strong you will be a king

The pounding of drums of war, the thrill of Kovu's mighty roar
The joy of vengeance
   Testify!
I can hear the cheering
   Kovu! What a guy!

Payback time is nearing
And then our flag will fly
Against a blood red sky
That's my lullaby

Maya Matlin from Degrassi sang this

We're alone in the park and it's dark
What did we come here to do?
You say you wanna share your feelings
Yeah, well I've got feelings too
Your words are touching and I wanna be touched
Your eyes they hold me but I wanna be held
Your sentiment is evident
Your thoughts have all been heard
But c'mon boy, get to it
'Cause actions speak louder than words
Actions speak louder than words

I'm so not fine

I don't even know where to begin. Like,

1. I'm so freaking worried about my cousin it's killing me
2. I think I'm actually going insane
3. I can't stop thinking about suicide and how it will effect those around me
4. How I'm going to maintain my friends if I don't even want to know myself
5. How the hell I'm going to explain to my boyfriend that being with him means I can check something else off my bucket list
6. I can no longer connect with my parents like I used to
7. I'm soooooooo sick of work already
8. LORD JUST LET ME DIE

So that last one wasn't a reason why I'm not fine that was just me banging my head on my headboard

The Beatles- Yesterday

Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away
Now it looks as though they're here to stay
Oh, I believe in yesterday

Suddenly, I'm not half the man I used to be
There's a shadow hanging over me
Oh, yesterday came suddenly

Why she had to go, I don't know
She wouldn't say
I said something wrong
Now I long for yesterday

Yesterday, love was such an easy game to play
Now I need a place to hide away
Oh, I believe in yesterday

Why she had to go, I don't know
She wouldn't say
I said something wrong
Now I long for yesterday

Yesterday, love was such an easy game to play
Now I need a place to hide away
Oh, I believe in yesterday
Mm mm mm mm mm mmm mmm

The Beatles- Help!

Help, I need somebody
Help, not just anybody
Help, you know I need someone, help

When I was younger, so much younger than today
I never needed any body's help in any way
But now those days are gone and I'm not so self assured
Now I find I've changed my mind, and opened up the doors

C: Help me if you can I'm feeling down
And I do appreciate you being 'round
Help me get my feet back on the ground
Won't you please, please help me

And now my life has changed in oh, so many ways
My independence seems to vanish in the haze
But every now and then I feel so insecure
I know that I just need you like I never have before

C

When I was younger, so much younger than today
I never needed any body's help in any way
But now those days are gone and I'm not so self assured
Now I find I've changed my mind and opened up the doors

C

Won't you please, please help me, help me, help me, oh

Avery Williams- Seraphina (The Impossibility of Tomorrow)

She gave me poison wine
She climbed the stair at night
She set my blood on fire
Before she took flight

Seraphina, I know you're still there
I know the light that falls upon your hair

She burns in different colors
She sees with different eyes
Her body is a vessel
For different colored skies

Seraphina, I'll love you until I'm gone
I'll search the world until you're where you belong

She's an old soul by starlight
With my blue book beside her
She's made a mistake
And it fills me with fire

Seraphina, don't you dare kiss another
I'll kill him myself if you take a lover

She's my past, she's my future
She's my renaissance bird
I won't rest until she's back
Take me at my word

Seraphina, be faithful, be true little girl
I won't stop with him, I'll destroy your whole world

She lived me in the garden
She kissed my silver soul
Without her, I am nothing
So I'll never let her go

Demi Lovato- Frozen

The snow glows white on the mountain tonight, not a footprint to be seen
A kingdom of isolation and it looks like I'm the queen
The wind is howling like the swirling storm inside
Couldn't keep it in, heaven knows I tried

Don't let them in, don't let them see
Be the good girl you always have to be
Conceal, don't feel, don't let them know
Well, now they know

C: Let it go, let it go, can't hold it back anymore
Let it go, let it go, turn my back and slam the door
Here I stand, and here I'll stay
Let the storm rage on, the cold never bothered me anyway

It's funny how some distance makes everything seem small
And the fears that once controlled me can't get to me at all
Up here in the cold, thin air I finally can breathe
I know I left a life behind, but I'm to relieved to grieve

C

Standing, frozen, in the life I've chosen
You won't find me
The past is so behind me
Buried in the snow

C

Corinne Bailey Rae- Like A Star

Just like a star across my sky, just like an angel off the page
You have appeared to my life, feel like I'll never be the same
Just like a song in my heart, just like oil on my hands
Honor to love you

C: Still I wonder why it is, I don't argue like this
With anyone but you
We do it all the time
Blowing out my mind

You've got this look I can't describe, you make me feel like I'm alive
When everything else is au fait, without a doubt you're on my side
Heaven as been away too long, can't find the words to write this song
Oh, your love

C

 Now I have come to understand, the way it is
It's not a secret any more, 'cause we've been through that before
From tonight I know that you're the only one
I've been confused and in the dark, now I understand


I wonder why it is, I don't argue with anyone like this
With anyone but you, I wonder why it is
I won't let my guard down, for anyone but you
We do it all the time, blowing out my mind

Just like a star across my sky, just like an angel off the page
You have appeared to my life
Feel like I'll never be the same
Just like a song in my heart, just like oil on my hands

Sweet Thing- Changes with Seasons

You want love, you fear it, you're attention's been shifted
You summed up the feeling, with a simple dissmissing
What you gonna do? Deceiving, it ain't you, believe it
'Cause our love ain't easy, it changes with seasons

C: Woah, yeah
Where we going, I don't know
So baby, won't you let it go?

You sewed shut the curtains, you closed out the light coming in
And all your friends you don't want near, you don't want advice, advice to hear
'Cause inside you're working, you're mending what's broken
'Cause our love ain't easy, it changes with seasons

C

Don't you worry
Won't you let it go
Baby, don't worry
Just let it go, let it go (x4)

Don't you worry
Won't you let it go
Baby, don't worry
Where we're going I don't know

Carrie Underwood- Before He Cheats

Right now he's probably slow dancing with a bleached-blond tramp
And she's probably getting frisky
Right now he's probably buying her some fruity little drink
'Cause she can't shoot whisky
Right now he's probably up behind her with a pool stick
Showing her how to shoot a combo

And he don't know

C: That I dug my key into the side of his pretty little souped up four wheel drive
Carved my name into his leather seats
I took a Louisville slugger to both headlights, slashed a hole in all four tires
Maybe next time he'll think before he cheats

Right now she's probably up singing some white-trash version of Shania karaoke
Right now she's probably saying "I'm drunk" and he's thinking that he's gonna get lucky
Right now he's probably dabbing on some three dollars worth of that bathroom Polo

And he don't know

C

I might've saved a little trouble for the next girl
'Cause the next time that he cheats
You know it won't be on me

C

Jenny Lewis- Barking at the Moon

I have got so much to give, I swear I do
I may not have nine lives, but this one feels brand new
Yes, I've lived a good one, I have tried to be true
There are some things I never realized until I met you
How the wind feels on my cheeks when I'm barking at the moon

C: There is no home like the one you've got
'Cause that home belongs to you
Woo hoo, here I come, woo hoo, back toyou
There is no home like the one you've got
'Cause that home belongs to you

Well, I was in trouble, bad, I was so confused
I may not see in color, babe, but I can sure feel blue
I have been a lot of things, they may all not be true
My experience was so mysterious until I met you
Now the sun may rise in the east but I'm barking at the moon

C

I just can't fall asleep

I have the worst migraine in, quite possibly, the history of EVER. I couldn't even continue to work today, I had to go home and it's beyond terrible. I don't know why I'm blogging.

I hate how much my parents hate each other

Honestly, I do. I hate when they talk about each other behind their backs and then five seconds later act like it's all fine. I hate how they refer to each other as "your father" and "your mother". I really hate how they expect us to be their messengers and keep secrets from each other at the same time. I just hate it. It's like they never remember why they got married in the first place, it's all about why they got divorced.

Cartel- Honestly

Please don't mind what I'm trying to say, 'cause I'm, I'm being honest
When I tell you that you, you're part of the reason
I'm so set on the rest of my life being a part of you

You tell me what you think about being open, about being honest with yourself
'Cause things will never be the same

C: So I guess I'll see you, I'll see you around
I'm spinning while falling down
Now you know why I'm begging you to stay

Don't waste time getting to the point 'cause I'm
I'm patiently waiting for your next phone call
The next excuse for losing sleep again

You tell me what you think about being open, about being honest with yourself
'Cause thing will never be the same

C

'Cause I can't stop it now, it's so amazing how
I know I can't, I could never walk away
How can we resolve this now, we let it go and wonde rhow
This can ever be the same, can never be the same

So I guess I'll see you, I'll see you around
I'm spinning while falling down
Now you know why I'm begging you, I'm begging!

'Cause I can't stop it now, it's so amazing how
I know I can't, I could never walk away

Please don't mind what I'm trying to say 'cause I'm, I'm being honest

Alana Grace- Back Roses Red

Can I ask you a question please? Promise you won't laugh at me?
Honestly I'm standing here afraid I'll be betrayed
As twisted as it seems, I only fear love when it's in my dreams
So let in the morning light and let the darkness fade away

Can you turn my black roses red?
Can you turn my black roses red?

Drowning in my lonliness, how long must I hold my breath?
So much emptiness inside I could fill the deepest sea
I reach to the sky as the moon looks on, one last year has come and gone
It's time to let your love rain down on me

Can you turn my black roses red?
Can you turn my black roses red?
'Cause
I feel like I'm living on love, I feel like I'm living on love
I feel like I'm living on love, I feel like I'm living on love
I feel like I'm living on love, I feel like I'm living on love

Can you turn my black roses red?
'Cause I'm feeling like I'll blame it on love
I'm feeling like I'll blame it on love

Imagine Dragons- Fade

Rise in the morning sun, we believe in the same ideals
But it's harder to leave when we've come this far and the end is near
Tell me what made you love just the way you do
It's the purest touch, and I wanted it too, but it seems this world won't let it be

And so will you write this down when the siren sounds
You'll remember me
'Cause this isn't meant to be turned into a memory
That stays until it fades away

Three hundred miles away, a different night, but they sky's the same
Nobody knows where you escape that you are a stranger
Show me love, I'm broke, I can't stand here on my own
If I'm going to live then I have to go, I'm danger

And so will you write this down when the siren sounds
You'll remember me
'Cause this isn't meant to be turned into a memory
That stays until it fades away

Finger Eleven- One Thing

Restless tonight 'cause I wasted the light
Between both these times I drew a really thin line
It's nothing planned and not that I can
But you should be mine across that line

C: If I traded it all, it I gave it all away for one thing
Just for one thing
If I sorted it out, if I knew all about this one thing
Wouldn't that be something

I promise I might not walk on by
Maybe next time, but not this time
Even though I know I don't want to know
Yeah I guess I know, I just hate how it sounds

C

Regina Spektor- The Call

It started out as a feeling, which then grew into a hope
Which then turned into a quiet thought when then turned into a quiet word
And then that word grew louder and louder, 'til it was a battle cry
I'll come back when you call me, no need to say goodbye

Just because everything's changing doesn't mean it's never been this way before
All you can do is try to know who your friends are as you head off to the war
Pick a star on the dark horizon and follow the light
You'll come back when it's over, no need to say goodbye

Now we're back to the beginning, it's just a feeling and no one knows yet
But just because they can't feel it too doesn't mean that you have to forget
Let your memories grow stronger and stronger, 'til they're before your eyes
You'll come back when they call you, no need to say goodbye

So added to one of my songs...

I'm writing this down with my last breath
Release is so close but it hasn't come yet
I feel the light reaching me slowly, slowly
Never really knew what I was capable of
But now it's too late, I've already had enough
I guess we'll never know

C: In my suicide, will you remember me?
Not by what I did, but by what I haven't done
Not by what I used to win, but by what I haven't won
Will you reminisce my suicide?

It was just a matter of time
Nothing means anything anymore
This life was never mine
Never found an open door

C

I don't know how I survived this long
This feeling like I don't belong
Comes flooding back but my eyes are open
They're open

In my suicide will you remember me?
No!
Because I didn't do what I should've done
Because I didn't win what I should've won
That's not worth rememberance
All that's lost in suicide

Rosanna Cash- Like Fugitives

The priest is praying for your soul, and the doctor for your heart
Someone tell me how to live now that we must live apart
Once we had a mother but that's all over now
So wish her well and let her go just as soon as you know how

C: It's a strange new world we live in where the church sends you to hell
And the lawyers get the money for the lives they divide and sell
And the only truth believed in is the the one upon the screen
So we live our lives like fugitives, and we were born to live like queens

Once we all were daughters, now we'll never hear thy name
I never think I could have learned, I just turned into the game
Don't send me no more letters with your ignorance and rage
I don't want you tired religion, not a soul you need to save

C

Taylor Swift- Mine

You were in college working part time waiting tables
Left a small town, never looked back
I was a flight risk with a fear of falling
Wondering why we bother with love if it never lasts

I say, "Can you believe it?" as we're lying on the couch
the moment I can see it, yes, yes, I can see it now

Do you remember, we were sitting there by the water?
You put your arm around me for the first time
You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter
You are the best thing that's ever been mine

Flash forward and we're taking on the world together
And there's a drawer of my things at your place
You learn my secrets and you figure out why I'm guarded
You say we'll never make my parents' mistakes

But we got bills to pay, we got nothing figured out
When it was hard to take, yes, yes, this is what I thought about

C

Do you remember all the city lights on the water?
You saw me start to believe for the first time
You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter
You are the best thing that's ever been mine

And I remember that flight, 2:30 AM
As everything was slipping right out of our hands
I ran crying out and you followed me into the street
Braced myself for the goodbye, 'cause that's all I've ever known
Then you took my by surprise, you said, "I'll never leave you alone"

You said, "I remember how we felt sitting by the water
And every time I look at you, it's like the first time
I fell in love with a careless man's careful daughter
She is the best thing that's ever been mine

When I look into your eyes, it's like watching the night sky
Or a beautiful sunrise
Well, there's so much they hold, and just like them old stars
I see that you've come so far to be right where you are
How old is your soul?

Well, I won't give up on us
Even when the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up

And when you're needing your space
To do some navigating
I'll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find

I think of you
I just can't talk to you right now

I miss you
I just can't admit it right now

I need you
I just can't show you right now

I love you
I just can't tell you right now

John Legend- All of Me

What would I do without your smart mouth?
Drawing me in and you're kicking me out
You've got my head spinning, no kidding, I can't pin you down
What's going on in that beautiful mind?
I'm on your magical mystery ride
And I'm so dizzy, don't know what hit me, but I'll be all right

My head's under water but I'm breathing fine
You're crazy and I'm out of my mind

C: 'Cause all of me loves all of you
Love your curves and all your edges, all your perfect imperfections
Give your all to me, I'll give my all to you
You're my end and my beginning, even when I lose I'm winning
'Cause I give you all of me and you give me all of you

How many times do I have to tell you
Even when you're crying you're beautiful too
The world is beating you down, I'm around through every mood
You're my downfall, you're my muse
My worst distraction, my rhythm and blues
I can't stop singing, it's ringing in my head for you

My head's underwater but I'm breathing fine
You're crazy and I'm out of my mind

C

Give me all of you
Cards on the table, we're both showing hearts
Risking it all, though it's hard

You feel me?

Okay, so I can't remember if I told the blog yet that I got that guy I've been obsessing over and he is now my boyfriend of two and a half weeks and yes, the last post I wrote ("Shhh, it's a secret") was about him but that was something I wrote a week and a half ago. Wanna know why? Because I am a realist. I don't expect fairy tales, I don't expect us to go to the same college, and I do not expect a diamond ring but what I do expect is a healthy functioning relationship and hells yes that's what I got. Before you write me off as a heartless bitch I want to explain some things.

1. I like holding hands with him
2. I like kissing him
3. And even though it is hella annoying I like when my friends mention him because it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy

I hate that I labeled my feelings for him as a mutual attraction because that's not what they are. They're a lot more than that. I can't actually explain it. But I know that if he read that previously mentioned post he probably hates me. But whatever 'cause I can't say this crap out loud, can you imagine?
Back to the point; yes, I am a realist. And my hopes are not set unrealistically high. But so far he has exceeded those expectations. Being a realist sucks on so many unimaginable levels because I know summer is here and he is working and I'm leaving to visit my dad and we won't be able to talk every day like we used to. But I don't give a care because I know he cares about me and he should know I care about him like, x10 that. I'd tell him but that might set his hopes unrealistically high and then where would we be?

Vanessa Hudgens- When There was Me and You

It's funny when you find yourself looking from the outside
I'm standing here but all I want is to be over there
Why did I let myself believe that miracles could happen
'Cause now I have to pretend that I really don't care

I thought you were my fairy tale, a dream when I'm not sleeping
A wish upon a star that's coming true
But everybody else could tell that I confused my feelings with the truth
When there was me and you

I swore I knew the melody that I heard you singing
And when you smiled you made me feel like I could sing along
But then you went and changed the words now my heart is empty
I'm only left with used-to-be's and once upon a song

Now I know you're not a fairy tale and dreams were meant for sleeping
And wishes on a star just don't come true, I can't believe that I could be so blind
It's like you were floating while I was falling and I didn't mind
'Cause I liked the view, I thought you felt it to when there was me and you

Shhh it's a secret

There's a word I used to know that would dance on the tip of my tongue
There's a feeling I used to have that would make my knees go weak
But now as I see the world for what it truly is
I must admit, my views were so obscured

So what am I doing here, can I fake this any longer?
A hollow smile paired with attraction can hardly be called love
So when the other shoe will drop, as I believe it has
What will you do when you realize I can never love you?

There's a song I used to sing almost every Sunday
There's a chance I used to have before it all went wrong
There's a world outside of what I can barely comprehend
Now I know it was made for a reason

Is this really what you want, I can answer for you now
How foolish does this whole endeavor seem?
Now I know that I let go of this imaginary feeling
Found in stories, fairy tales, and dreams

I've already learned that mine end when I'm not sleeping
No wishing star has ever seemed so far
You're no longer an angel that was sent to keep me from reeling
Yet I can force myself to give you up

Amy Grant- Better Than a Hallelujah

God loves a lullaby in a mother's tears in the dead of night
Better than a Hallelujah sometimes
God loves the drunkard's cry, the soldier's plea not to let him die
Better than a Hallelujah sometimes

We pour out our miseries, God just hears a melody
Beautiful, the mess we are
The honest cries of breaking hearts
Are better than a Hallelujah

The woman holding on for life, the dying man giving up the fight
Are better than a Hallelujah sometimes
The tears of shame for what's been done, the silence when the words won't come
Are better than a Hallelujah sometimes

We pour out our miseries, God just hears a melody
Beautiful, the mess we are
The honest cries of breaking hearts
Are better than a Hallelujah sometimes

Better than a church bell ringing
Better than a choir singing out, singing out

We pour out our miseries, God just hears a melody
Beautiful the mess we are
The honest cries of breaking hearts
Are better than a Hallelujah

Better than a Hallelujah

Les Miserables- Stars

There out in the darkness, a fugitive running
Fallen from grace, fallen from grace
God be my witness, I never shall yield
'Till we come face to face, 'till we come face to face

He knows his way in the dark, but mine is the way of the Lord
And those who follow the path of the righteous shall have their reward
And if they fall as Lucifer fell
The flame, the sword

Stars, in your multitudes, scarce to be counted filling the darkness
With order and light, you are the sentinels
Silent and sure
Keeping watch in the night, keeping watch in the night

You know your place in the sky, you hold your course and your aim
And each in your season returns and returns
And is always the same
And if you fall as Lucifer fell, you fall in flame

And so it has been, and so it is written on the doorway to paradise
That those who falter and those who fall must pay the price
Lord let me find him, that I may see him safe behind bars
I will never rest 'till then this I swear

This I swear by the stars

Les Miserables- I Dreamed A Dream

There was a time when men were kind, when their voices were soft
And their words inviting
There was a time when love was blind and the world was a song
There was a time when it all went wrong

I dreamed a dream in time gone by, when hope was high and life worth living
I dreamed that love would never die, I dreamed that God would be forgiving
Then I was young an unafraid, and dreams were made and used and wasted
There was no ransom to be paid, no song unsung, no wine untasted

But the tigers come at night, with their voices soft as thunder
As they tear your hope apart, as they turn your dreams to shame
He slept a summer by my side, he filled my days with endless wonder
He took my childhood in his stride, but he was gone when autumn came

And still I dream he'll come to me and we will live the years together
But there are dreams that cannot be and there are storms we cannot weather

I had a dream my life would be so different from this hell I'm living
So different now from what it seemed

Now life has killed the dream I dreamed

Les Miserables- A Little Fall of Rain

Eponine: Don't you fret,  monsieur Marius, I don't feel any pain
A little fall of rain can hardly hurt me now
You're here, that's all I need to know
And you will keep me safe, and you will keep me close
And rain will make the flowers grow

Marius: But you will live, Eponine, dear God above
If I could heal your wounds with words of love

Eponine: hold me now and let it be, shelter me, comfort me

Marius: would live a hundred years if I could show you how
I won't desert you now

Eponine: The rain can't hurt me now
This rain will wash away what's past
And you will keep me safe, and you will keep me close
I'll sleep in your embrace at last
The rain that brings you here is heaven blessed
The skies begin to clear and I'm at rest
A breath away from where you are, I've come home from so far

Both: Don't you fret monsieur Marius (Hush-a-bye, dear Eponine)
I don't feel any pain (You won't feel any pain)
A little fall of rain can hardly hurt me now (A little fall of rain can hardly hurt you now)

Marius: I'm here

Eponine: That's all I need to know

Both: And you will keep me safe (I will stay with you)
And you will keep me close ('till you are sleeping)

Eponine: And rain...

Marius: And rain...

Eponine: Will make the flowers...

Marius: Will make the flowers... grow

Semisonic- F.N.T.

Fascinating new thing, you delight me
And I know you're speaking of me
Fascinating new thing, get beside me
I want you to love me

I'm surprised that you've never been told before
That you're lovely, and you're perfect
And that somebody wants you

Fascinating new thing, the scene making
Want a temporary savior
Fascinating new thing, don't betray them
By becoming familiar

I'm surprised that you've never been told before
That you're lovely, and you're perfect
And that somebody wants you

I'm surprised that you've never been told before
That you're priceless, and you're precious
Even when you are not new

Starkid(Twisted)- 1001 Nights

Sheerezade: I know a thousand tales to fill a thousand nights
But now another story comes to mind, a nobel young vizer
Ascends to wondrous heights, he's brilliant as he's handsome
And handsome as he's kind, he is at once familiar and unknowable

To the frightened girl he meets along the way, and to the girl's suprise
Something in his eyes beckons her to know him and inspires her to say

I want to know your story, I want to know your past
So tell me slowly from the start, leave out no detail, savor every part
I want to know your story, so make the story last
I want to know each twist and turn, tell me all I've missed, I've so much to learn

For when it comes to stories, I thought I knew them all
But now I'm face to face with one I can't seem to recall

Ja'Far: The young vizier had come to help inspire change
But fate has planned an unexpected twist within the palace walls
He discovers something strange and found a missing part of him
He didn't know he missed

She's at once a comfort and a mystery, to the callow man she meets that fateful day
She's beautiful and wise, and something in her eyes
Beckons him to know her and inspires him to say

I want to know your story, I want to know your past
I want to know your future too
Fill my days and nights with the tale of you

Both: I want to know your story, so make the story last
And linger over every part, tell it until I know every bit by heart
I never cared for stories until you entered mine
And now my only wish is that our plots may intertwine

Ja'far: But I forget what happens next, I'm not sure I understand
Remind me how she answers when he asks for her hand

Sheerezade: Took you long enough! Yes! She says Yes!

Both: A thousand and one nights with you is not long enough to spend
So let's make ours a story with no end, so let's make ours a story with no end

Sad+Mad+Angry=Me

I love how my uncle died of liver cancer and he spent his whole life creating Taxol, which is a cancer fighting medicine. Like, the irony right? Yeah.
And next weekend I can't go see TFIOS with the persons because we're heading to his funeral. How fun.

Taylor Swift- Our Song

I was riding shotgun with my hair undone in the front seat of his car
He's got a one-hand feel on the steering wheel the other on my heart
I look around, turn the radio down, he says, "Is something wrong?"
I say,  "Nothing, I was just thinking how we don't have a song"
And he says

Our song is the slamming screen door, sneaking out late
Tapping on your window
When we're on the phone and you talk real slow 'cause it's late and your mama don't know
Our song is the way you laugh
The first date, "Man, I didn't kiss her when I should have"
And when I got home, before I said "Amen" asking God if he could play it again

I was walking up the front porch steps
After everything that day had gone wrong and been trampled on
And lost and thrown away
Got to the hallway, well on my way to my loving bed
I almost didn't notice all the roses and the note that said

Our song is the slamming screen door, sneaking out late
Tapping on your window
When we're on the phone and you talk real slow 'cause it's late and your mama don't know
Our song is the way you laugh
The first date, "Man, I didn't kiss her when I should have"
And when I got home, before I said "Amen" asking God if he could play it again

I've heard every album, listened to the radio
Waited for something to come along
That was as good as our song


Our song is the slamming screen door, sneaking out late
Tapping on your window
When we're on the phone and you talk real slow 'cause it's late and your mama don't know
Our song is the way you laugh
The first date, "Man, I didn't kiss her when I should have"
And when I got home, before I said "Amen" asking God if he could play it again

Oh yeah, I was riding shotgun with my hair undone
In the front seat of his car
I grabbed a pen and an old napkin
And I wrote down our song

Grace Potter- Something I Want

She's a girl with the best intentions
He's a man of his own inventions
She walked out the window, he walked out the door
But she followed him and he said, "What'cha lookin' for?"

C: She said, I want something that I want, something that I tell myself I need
Something that I want and I need everything I see

Something that I want, something that I tell myself I need
Something that I want, and I need everything I see

He's been living in a pure illusion
She's gotta come to her own conclusion
Right when you think you know what to say
Someone comes along and shows you a brand new way

C

Something that I want, something that I tell myself I need
Something that I want, and I need everything 'cause

It's so easy to make believe
It seems like you're living in a dream
Don't you see that what you need is
Standingin front of you?

C

Big Time Rush- Confetti Falling

All this talk about being in love, I could never get into the party
Never really understood what it was, like what's the deal anyway
But I decided I should give it a try, the very moment that you gave me the invite
I've never seen anything like it before, once you open the door
See, I was like

C: Oh, yeah, yeah, don't get any better
Oh, yeah, yeah, wish that this was forever
Your heart calling, feels like confetti falling
And it's a celebration, feels like a celebration
'Cause your heart calling, feels like confetti falling down

And everybody's gonna make an appearance, even the butterflies came, what a feeling
And then the bliss that came with Mr. First-Kiss, it was better than they ever explained
I think I even saw Cupid flying around, I caught a glimpse before the lights went down
And when I turn to see the stars in your eyes, I realize
And I as like

C

See, I know it's getting late, only wish the sun would wait
And let this party last a little longer, see I know love comes and goes
But this right here, I don't think I ever wanna let it go
I wish I would've known

All this talk about being in love, I could never get into the party
Now I understand only because
You show me the way
And I was like

C

Your heart calling, feels like confetti calling

Degrassi- Everything So Right

You are the sun, the moon in the night
You are my everything, everything so right
I don't need another summer, another spring, another fall
Now I have you, don't need anything at all

For your love, I give up my name
Give up my world, 'cause you are the flame
That burns in my heart and makes life complete
A rose by another name, a smell just as sweet

You are the sun, the moon in the night
You are my everything, everything so right
 don't need another summer, another spring, another fall
Now I have you, don't need anything at all

It won't take another summer,
Another spring, another fall
Now I have you,
Don't need anything at all

You are the sun, the moon in the night
You are my everything (This isn't right) everything so right
(Please hurry) It won't take another summer, another spring, another fall
(A moment longer) Now I have you
(Don't leave this time) Don't need anything at all

Matchbox 20- Bed of Lies

No, I would not sleep in this bed of lies
So toss me out and turn in
And there'll be no rest for these tired eyes
I'm marking it down to learning, I am

Don't think that I can take another empty moment
Don't think that I can fake another hollow smile
It's not enough just to be lonely
Don't think I could take another talk about it

Just like you got needs, and they're only a whisper away
And we softly surrender, to these lives that we've tendered away

No, I would not sleep in this bed of lies
So toss me out and turn in
And there'll be no rest for these tired eyes
I'm marking it down to learning, I am

Don't wanna be the one who turns the whole thing over
Don't wanna be somewhere where I just don't belong
Where it's not enough just to be sorry

Don't you know I feel the darkness closing in
Tried to be more than me, and I gave until it all went away
And we've only surrendered
To the worst part of these winters we've made

No, I would not sleep in this bed of lies
So toss me out and turn in
And there'll be no rest for these tired eyes
I'm marking it down to learning, I am

I am all that I'll ever be when you
Lay your hands over me but don't go weak on me now
I know that it's weak
But God help me I need this

I will not sleep in this bed of lies
So toss me out and turn in
And there'll be no rest for these tired eyes
I'm marking it down to learning, I'm marking it down to learning
'Cause I am

You feel me?

Okay so pretty much all of my last few posts have been song lyrics or about relationships like, the romantic kind and this thing I thought of isn't about any one relationship I have with anyone it's just all as a whole, how I feel about all of my close peoples,
All this time I've been thinking about how unlucky you are to have me, when I should have been thinking about how lucky I am to I have you.

More GIFS

Pochahontas- Just Around the Riverbend

What I love most about rivers is you can't step in the same river twice
The water's always changing always flowing
But people, I guess, can't live like that they all must pay a price
To be safe we lose our chance of ever knowing
What's around the river bend?
Waiting just around the river bend
I look once more, just around the river bend
Beyond the shore, where the gulls fly free
Don't know what for
What I dream the day might send just around the river bend
For me, coming for me
I feel it there beyond the trees
Or right behind these waterfalls
Can I ignore that sound of distant drumming?
For a handsome sturdy husband who builds handsome sturdy walls
And never dreams that something might be coming
Just around the river bend
Just around the river bend
I look once more just around the river bend
Beyond the shore, somewhere past the sea
Don't know what for
Why do all my dreams extend just around the river bend
Just around the river bend
Should I choose the smoothest course, steady as the beating drum?
Should I marry Kocoum?
Is all my dreaming at and end?
Or do you still wait for me, dream giver?
Just around the river bend

Wicked- As Long as You're Mine

Elphaba: Kiss me too fiercely, hold me too tight
I need help believing you're with me tonight
My wildest dreams could not foresee
Lying beside you with you wanting me
Just for this moment, as long as you're mine
I've lost all resistance and crossed some borderline
And if it turns out it's over too fast
I'll make every last moment last
As long as you're mine

Fiyero: Maybe I'm brainless, maybe I'm wise
But you've got me seeing through different eyes
Somehow I've fallen under your spell
And somehow I'm feeling it's up that I fell

Both: Every moment
As long as you're mine
I'll wake up my body
And make up for lost time

Fiyero: Say there's no future for us as a pair...

Both: And though I may know, I don't care
Just for this moment, as long as you're mine
Come see how bright we shine, borrow the moonlight
Until it is through and know I'll be here holding you
As long as you're mine

Fiyero: What is it?

Elphaba: It's just, for the first time, I feel wicked

Bruno Mars- When I Was Your Man

Same bed but it feels just a little bit bigger now
Our song on the radio just doesn't sound the same
When our friends talk about you all it does is just tear me down
'Cause my heart breaks a little whenever I hear your name

It all just sounds like, ooooh, too young to dumb to realize
That I should've bought your flowers, and held your hand
Should've gave you all my hours when I had the chance
Take you to every party 'cause all you wanted to do was dance
Now my baby's dancing with another man

My pride, my ego, my needs, and my selfish ways
Caused a good strong woman like you to walk out my life
Now I never, never get to clean up the mess I made
And it haunts me every time I close my eyes

It all just sounds like, ooooh, too young to dumb to realize

That I should've bought your flowers, and held your hand

Should've gave you all my hours when I had the chance

Take you to every party 'cause all you wanted to do was dance

Now my baby's dancing with another man

Although it hurts, I'll be the first to say I was wrong

Oh, I know I'm probably much too late

To try and apologize for my mistakes

But I just want to let you know

I hope he buys you flowers, and holds your hand

Gives you all his hours when he has the chance

Takes you to every party 'cause I remember how much you loved to dance

All the things I should've done when I was your man

Ready? Okay.

Of all the terrible things that have happened in my life - my mom, my dad, the life I lost - I'm such a vain, selfish, and petty person that I am most ashamed of the fact that nobody has ever kissed me.
This thought drives me to more than the desire for a lobotomy. This drives me to something worse.
Yo, Rapunzel, forget the ladder. There's a faster way down.

Fearless - Francine Pascal

My moods vary between;

• Find life experiences and swallow them whole. Travel. Meet many people. Go down some dead ends and explore dark alleys. Try everything. Exhaust yourself in the glorious pursuit of life.

• Some days I want to scream with the wonders of life, the slice of the blue sky, a small brown bird's chirp goodbye. But some lone, long nights, I want nothing but to curl beneath the blanket, close my eyes, and die.

• I will always care for you, even if we're not together, or if we're far, far away from each other.

• Being left alone, with my mind, is actually quite dangerous.

• The question is, whether suicide is the way out or the way in

• Be strong because things will get better, it might be stormy now but it can't rain forever

Idina Menzel- No Good Deed

Let his flesh not be torn, let his blood leave no stain
When they beat him let him feel to pain
Let his bones never break and however they try to destroy him
Let him never die, let him never die

What good is this chanting, I don't even know what I'm reading
I don't even know what trick I ought to try
Fiyero where are you, already dead or bleeding
One more disaster I can add to my generous supply

No good deed goes unpunished, no act of charity goes unresented
No good deed goes unpunished, that's my new creed
My road of good intentions led where such roads always lead
No good dead goes unpunished

Nessa, Doctor Dilamond, Fiyero
Fiyero

One question haunts and hurts, too much, too much to mention
Was I really seeking good or just seeking attention
Is that all good deeds are when looked at with an ice-cold eye?
If that's all good deeds are then maybe that's the reason why

No good deed goes unpunished, all helpful urges should be circumvented
No good deed goes unpunished, sure I meant well
Well, look at what well-meant did
Well maybe not, so be it, so be it then

Let all Oz be agreed, I'm wicked through and through since I cannot succeed
Fiyero saving you I promise no good deed will I attempt to do again
Ever again
No good deed will I do again

Don't care if you read this or not but

You awesome, beautiful person. You must be extraordinary if you make me look forward to Monday. Keeping my head out of class even when it should be, but I don't care. My sleep schedule is seriously screwed up because of you, but I don't care. It's crazy, because I don't even know when you became important to me. It's like watching a snowstorm. You see the flakes falling, but you don't realize they're adding up. Then suddenly, your whole lawn is covered. All these things have added up. You're kind of like my snowstorm.
Your existence gives me hope

Sorry if I'm offending anyone

I hate when people are like, "I don't know, I like him but is this a forever thing?"
And I'm like,
You're in HIGH SCHOOL. It could last a few months, or a few weeks, or a few days, or a few years. It really doesn't matter. You're looking for someone to make you happy because Lord knows you need it. You don't need a baby daddy, you don't need a husband, you need a piece of sanity.
Find that person, and you're good.

I need someone who is prepared for:

• A million questions
• Uncontrollable laughter
• My family
• My appetite
• Musical outbursts
• Random dancing
• My friends
• Sad/Happy tears
• Deep talks
• My imagination
• My dreams
• Walks in the rain
• Random texts
• Useless arguments
• and acceptance of the real me

You feel me?

Ah!!! Walls coming down!!! Immediate repairs!!! Evasive Maneuvers!!! Duct tape!!!
Yeah so I shouldn't have shown him the blog. And the Best Girlfriend award goes to...
The chick who confessed her suicidal tendencies after 4 days.
On a completely different note, being an only child SUCKS. My brother is away for a week at this political camp thing. And it's just me at home. And there's this empty place in the house, and at the dinner table, and on the couch. I don't know how I'm going to deal with this when he goes to college next year.

#grenades

Sometimes I'm like, "Holy crap I have a boyfriend now this is amazing!"  but on the other hand I'm connecting with Hazel Grace on a spiritual level.

Shania Twain- Ka-Ching

We live in a greedy little world that teaches every little boy and girl
To earn as much as they can possibly then turn around and spend it foolishly
We've created us a credit card mess, we spend the money that we don't possess
Our religion is to go and blow it all, so it's shopping every Sunday at the mall

All we ever want is more, a lot more than we had before, so take me to the nearest store

C: Can you hear it ring, it makes you wanna sing
It's such a beautiful thing, Ka-ching
Lots of diamond rings, the happiness it brings
You'll live like a king with lots of money and things

When you're broke go and get a load
Take out another mortgage on your home
Consolidate so you can afford
To go and spend some more when you get bored

All we ever want is more, a lot more than we had before, so take me to the nearest store

C

Let's swing, dig deeper in your pocket
Oh yeah, ha, come on I know you've got it
Dig deeper in your wallet

All we ever want is more, a lot more than we had before, so take me to the nearest store


C

Can you hear it ring, it makes you wanna sing
You'll live like a king with lots of money and things
 Ka-ching!

Guardian Angel

Don't know what it is but
Never felt I'd live past sixteen
Hard as I tried I couldn't imagine
I don't know is it just me?

Now you're here and I want to live
I don't know what I'm gonna do about it
Suicide postponed, do I live a little longer
Or just totally forget about it?

Is this a long term thing?
Why were you sent to me?
So close to an Angel, you are
But Heaven never felt so far

Tangled- I See the Light

All those days, watching from the windows
All those years, outside looking in
All that time, never even knowing
Just how blind I've been

Now I'm here, blinking in the starlight
Now I'm here, suddenly I see
Standing here, it's oh, so clear
I'm where I'm meant to be

And at last I see the light and it's like the fog has lifted
And at last I see the light and it's like the sky is new
And it's warm and real and bright, and the world has somehow shifted
All at once everything looks different now that I see you

All those days, chasing down a daydream
All those years, living in a blur
All that time, never truly seeing
Things the way they were

Now she's here, shining in the starlight
Now she's here, suddenly I know
If she's hear, it's crystal clear
I'm where I'm meant to go

And at last I see the light and it's like the fog has lifted
And at last I see the light and it's like the sky is new
And it's warm and real and bright and the world has somehow shifted
All at once, everything looks different now that I see you

Now that I see you

His existence gives me hope

I feel like you're lying
I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop
On the inside I'm crying
Oh, why can't I believe that you might really
Care for me, adore me, like me like I like you

I just wanna believe you're telling the truth
'Cause I wanna be there for you

Last time I failed, broke my heart too fast
This time I'm scared, I'm praying this will last
You say it will, I fear it won't
This will fail despite my hopes
I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop

Yes, I wrote this one too. His existence gives me hope but a lot of other complications as well.

The Nightmare Before Christmas- Jack's Lament

There are few who deny at what I do I am the best
For my talents are renowned far and wide
When it comes to surprises in the moonlit night
I excel without ever even trying

With the slightest little effort of my ghostlike charms
I have seen grown men give out a shriek
With a wave of my hand and a well-placed moan
I have swept the very bravest off their feet

Yet year after year it's the same routine
And I grow so weary of the sound of screams
And I, Jack, the Pumpkin King
Have grown so tired of the same old thing

Oh, somewhere deep inside of these bones
An emptiness begins to grow
There's something out there far from my home
A longing that I've never known

I'm a master of fright, a demon of light
And I'll scare you right out of your pants
To a guy in Kentucky, I'm Mister Unlucky
And I'm known throughout England and France

And since I am dead I can take off my head
To recite Shakespearian quotations
No animal nor man can scream like I can
With the fury of my recitations

But who here could ever understand
That the Pumpkin King with the skeleton grin
Would tire of his crown if they only understood
He'd give it all up if he only could

Oh, there's an empty place in my bones
That calls out for something unknown
The fame and praise come year after year
Does nothing for these empty tears...

Oh, Jack. I know how you feel

My passion... I guess?

I absolutely LOVE traveling. With a passion. You'd think growing up in New York introduced me to all kinds of culture and I don't know, maybe it did. There was an Asian lady in my apartment building who spoke Spanish. But not really. I didn't know people actually said "ya'll" in real life until I moved to Arkansas. Except for my aunts and uncles on my mother's side but they all grew up on a farm so I just thought, maybe it's a farm thing! But it's not. And then I went to Jamaica, and I had never had people look at me like I was an  abomination before. I had heard it online, sure. But people actually glared at me for being half white and half black which was super weird. But that's how they were raised and I didn't return the glare so whatever. It was interesting to see their perspective from a secondhand point of view and yes, it was annoying, but it was an eye opener.
But back to traveling. I like traditions, delicacies, and dances. I like accents, architecture, and tourist attractions. I don't like reading about them. I don't like learning every single fact about the country. But I like museums and listening to stories of people who grew up somewhere I haven't. I want to go to Japan and China and compare the customs that everyone thinks are the same or similar but they totally aren't. I want to visit India and experience their famous religions firsthand. I'd love to go to Africa and watch every traditional dance that ever existed. I'd love to go to Europe and see the streets made of water, and actually learn how to do a British accent. I want to go to Australia just to see a Kangaroo really. And I wish I can go to every country in South America and try their delicacies because I hear they're delicious.
No, I don't like people. No, I don't like crowds. But I love airports and flying, which is lucky because I could be one of those people who love to travel but hate flying. Or sailing. I love boats. And yachts. Especially yachts. Yachts are fun. But that's my passion. Right there.

The suckage level is over 10000

Because my uncle's liver cancer is worse. A lot worse. He's in hospice care. Which basically means they're just waiting for him to die. There's nothing else they can do.
I'm gonna look up if 2014 is year of the cancer because if it is, the irony is not lost on me and I will be severely pissed off.

Avril Lavigne- Let Me Go ft. Chad Kroeger

Love that once hung on the wall
Used to mean something, but now it means nothing
The echos are gone in the hall
But I still remember the pain of December
Oh, there isn't one thing left you could say
I'm sorry it's too late

I'm breaking free from these memories
Gotta let it go, just let it go
I've said goodbye, set it all on fire
Gotta let it go, just let it go

You came back to find I was gone
And that place was empty like the hole that was left in me
Like we were nothing at all
It's not what you meant to me, thought we were meant to be
Oh, there isn't one thing left you could say
I'm sorry it's too late

C

I let it go and now I know
A brand new life is down this road
And when it's right, you always know
So this time I won't let go
There's only one thing left here to say
Love's never too late

C

Don't let me go, don't let me go, don't let me go, don't let me go
Won't let you go, don't let me go

P!NK- Try

Ever wonder about what he's doing and how it all turned to lies
Sometimes I think that it's better to never ask why

C: Where there is desire, there is going to be a flame
Where there is a flame someone's bound to get burned
But just because it burns doesn't mean you're gonna die
You've gotta get up and try, try, try
You've gotta get up and try, try, try

Funny how the heart can be deceiving
More than just a couple times
Why do we fall in love so easy
Even when it's not right

C

Ever worry that it might be ruined, and does it make you wanna cry
When you're out there doing what you're doing
Are you just getting by
Tell me are you just getting by, by, by

C

You gotta get up and try, try, try
You gotta get up and try, try, try

Imagine Dragons- Hear me

Try to hear my voice
You can leave, now it's your choice
Maybe if I fall asleep I won't breathe right
Maybe if I leave tonight, I won't come back

I said it before I won't say it again
Love is a game to you, it's not pretend
Maybe if I fall asleep I won't breathe right

C: Can nobody hear me?
I've got a lot thats on my mind
I cannot breathe
Can you hear it too?

You kiss and you kiss and you love and you love
You got a history list and the rest is above
And if you're warm, then you can't relate to me
From the floor to the floor and the sky to the sky
You've got to love and adore and the rest is awry
And if you're warm, then you can't relate to me

I said it before I won't say it again
Love is a game to you, it's not pretend
Maybe if I fall asleep I won't breathe right

C

Leave your shoes at the door baby
I am all you adore lately
Come with me and we will run away

C

Imagine Dragons- Demons

When the days are cold, and the cards all fold
And the saints we see are all made of gold
When your dreams all fail, and the ones we hail
Are the worst of all and the blood's run stale

I wanna hide the truth, I wanna shelter you
But with the beast inside, there's nowhere we can hide
No matter what we breed, we still are made of greed
This is my kingdom come, this is my kingdom come

C: When you feel my heat, look into my eyes
It's where my demons hide, it's where my demons hide
Don't get too close, it's dark inside
It's where my demons hide, it's where my demons hide

No matter what we breed we still are made of greed
This is my kingdom come, this is my kingdom come

C

They say it's what you make, I say it's up to fate
It's woven in my soul, I need to let you go
Your eyes, they shine so bright I want to save that light
I can't escape this now unless you show me how

C

At the curtain's call it's the last of all
When the lights fade out all the sinners crawl
So they dug your grave and the masquerade
Will come calling out at the mess you made

Don't wanna let you down but I am hell bound
Though this is all for you, don't wanna hide the truth

Imagine Dragons- Curse

She barely knew your name

He was just a city, she's just a dirt road
But that never meant a thing
Running from the country
She needed out but he held that diamond ring

C: 'Cause I can't sit, oh, I can't talk
I gotta leave this town and run to you
Curse these nights that speak your name
I gotta leave this town and come to you
Break this curse, ha ha ha
Break this curse, she barely knew your name

He was such a worry, no need to hurry
Those streets are slick at night
She would never listen, she left it all and headed towards the light
Oh, your eyes look tired, but love was all she knew
Screaming out in agony she gave her life for you

C

PDA probs

My brother and his girlfriend got scolded by a mall cop for making out too much in public. I wasn't there THANK GOD because EW. *barfing noises* But I thought it was funny when he told me.
Yeah, PDA makes me sick. Like, fine, hold hands. Put your arm around her(though if anyone does that to me we will fight), and give her a peck on the cheek or lips but if you straight up make out in front of me especially if I can HEAR it????? You better hope I have something valuable in my hands 'cause otherwise you're getting it thrown over you. My friends Taylar and David were macking next to me in the theatre when we were watching Spiderman 2 so I grabbed some of her water and flung it on them. I warned them so...
They were being really couple-y up in there. It was ugh. And they are technically not even dating even though they both want to they are seriously both being dramatic and ridiculous like, go on a date by yourselves and if you don't like it, then don't continue, if you do, keep going it's really not that hard a concept to grasp.
But yeah he didn't come even though he was supposed to like I said in a previous post. I texted him afterwards and he was like, "I'm sorry I wasn't there so we too could've acted couple-y" which gave me warm fuzzies but at the same time it didn't because, once again, PDA. Ew.

Luther Vandross- Dance with my Father

Back when I was a child, before life removed all the innocence
My father would lift me high, and dance with my mother and me and then
Spin me around 'till I fell asleep
Then up the stairs he would carry me
And I knew for sure I was loved
If I could get another chance, another walk, another dance with him
I'd play a song that would never, ever end
How I'd love, love, love
To dance with my father again
When I and my mother would disagree
To get my way I would run from her to him
He's make me laugh just to comfort me
And in the end make me do just what my momma said
Later that night when I was asleep
He left a dollar under my sheet
Never dreamed that he'd be away from me
If I could steal one final glance, one final step, one final dance with him
I'd play a song that would never, ever end
'Cause I'd love, love, love
To dance with my father again
Sometimes I'd listen outsider her door
And I'd hear how my mother cried for him
I pray for her even more than me
I pray for her even more than me
I know I'm praying for much, too much
But could you send back the only man she ever loved
I know you don't do it usually
But dear Lord, she's dying
To dance with my father again
Every night I fall asleep and this is all I ever dream

P.S. My father is not dead, just hundreds of miles away. And my mother divorced him twice. He divorced her once. But this is still a good song. Go Luther.

So I'm reading my previous posts...

And yes, going back to youth group did get rid of some of my suicidal thoughts for the time being. But they've come rushing back. I don't think this whole Christian thing is working. It's so confusing. I don't know what to do. When I read the Forever Reign lyrics, it's calming. But then I start to think of why it's not calming. Because it's an amazing song. And I used to love having someone, a.k.a. God, to lean on when something knocked me down. But I don't just want to worship something to lean on. Do you get me? I'm disrespecting him, myself, and everyone who does honestly worship him if I say that I worship him when I only think of him as a backup plan.

Backhouse Mike- Okay ft. Elizabeth Gillies

I like your smile, but even introductions need to last a while
Sometimes I don't know if I'm right or wrong
And in the end it seems like everything is
Worse when you're gone

C: There is no upper hand, I'm giving you mine
It doesn't have to end up wasting your time
There's things that I could say, but hear it my way
I want to let you know that it's all okay

So there you are, mistakenly mistaken for a deeper scar
A hole in your heart, ad the same for me
Is everything you touch keeping you down
Or setting you free

C

Shelter my eyes from the sun
And wait for the birds to fly by
Trying to reach every one
And know what you're feeling inside
Deep in my head now it's like a dream goodbye

C

Elizabeth Gillies- You Don't Know Me

You think you know me but you don't know me
You think you own me but you can't control me
You look at me and there's just one thing that you see
So listen to me, listen to me

C: You push me back, I push you back, harder, harder
You scream at me, I'll scream at you, louder, louder
I'm dangerous, I'm warning you
But you're not afraid of me
And I can't convince you, you don't know me

You think you got me but you don't get me
You think you want me but you don't know what you're getting into
There's so much more to me that what you think you see
So listen to me, just listen to me

C

And the longer that you stay, the ice is melting
And the pain, it feels okay, it feels okay... the pain...

You push me back, I push you back
You scream at me, I'll scream at you
Louder, louder, louder, louder, louder, louder

C

I'm dangerous, I'm warning you
But you're not afraid of me, and I can't convince you
And I don't have to
I think you know me

Your existence gives me hope

So it's official. He likes me! Yay! And then not yay because relationships are hard work, and once I leave for NY this summer to visit my dad I don't stay in contact that much except for like, my mom and best friend and now I guess he's on that list to keep in contact with. I do like him though. I wish he hadn't gone to Memphis at the last second so we could've gone to the movies but whatever you know? Next time I guess.
I wish I could talk to him about Chelsea but I can't yet. Besides, I have enough support from my friends, who really are the best people ever.

My baby

So my cousin, who's sick? Yeah. Turns out she's really sick. Lymphoma. It's blood cancer. I wish I was there for her. You know, physically? I want to be by her bed and sing to The Beatles with her. I just have to wait for the summer to come so I can talk to her again. And make sure she's okay.
They say it's really treatable. And that a lot of kids her age get it and survive. She must be so scared. I'm so scared. She's in phase 1 of chemo therapy. I swear, she'll still be prettier than me without her hair. That's the first thing I'm going to say to her when I see her. Hopefully it'll make her smile. Maybe not. Hopefully.
God, this sucks.

Paolo Nutini- New Shoes

Woke up cold one Tuesday, I'm looking tired and feeling quite sick
I felt like there was something missing in my day to day life
So I quickly opened the wardrobe, pulled out some jeans and a T-shirt that seemed clean
Topped it off with a pair of old shoes, that were ripped around the seams
And I thought, these shoes just don't suit me

C: Hey, I put some new shoes on and suddenly everything is right
I said, hey, I put some new shoes on and everybody's smiling, it's so inviting
Oh, short on money, but long on time, slowly strolling in the sweet sunshine
And I'm running late, and I don't need an excuse, 'cause I'm wearing my brand new shoes

Woke up late one Thursday, and I'm seeing starts as I'm rubbing my eyes
And I felt like there were two days missing, as I focused on the time
And I made my way to the kitchen, but I had to stop from the shock of what I found
A room full of all my friends dancing round and round
And I thought, hello, new shoes, bye bye them blues

CC

Take me wandering through these streets
Where bright lights and angels meet
Stone to stone they take me on
I'm walking until the break of dawn

Hootie & the Blowfish- I hope I don't fall in love with you

Well I hope that I don't fall in love with you, 'cause falling in love just makes me blue
Well, the music plays and you display your heart for me to see
I had a beer and now I hear you calling out for me
And I hope that I don't fall in love with you

Well the room is crowded, people everywhere, and I wonder should I offer you a chair?
Well, if you sit down with this old clown, take that frown and break it
Before the evening's gone away, I think that we could make it
And I hope that I don't fall in love with you

Well, the night does funny things inside a man, these old tomcat feelings you don't understand
Well, I turn around to look at you, you light a cigarette
I wish I had the guts to bum one, but we've never met
And I hope that I don't fall in love with you

I can see that you are lonesome just like me, and it being late you'd like some company
Well, I turn around to look at you, you look back at me
The guy you're with has up and split, that chair next to you is free
And I hope that you don't fall in love with me

Now it's closing time, the music's fading out; last call for drinks, I'll have another stout
Well, I turn around to look at you, you're nowhere to be found
I search the place for your lost face, guess I'll have another round
And I think I just fell in love with you

Empire State of Mind- Jay-Z and Alicia Keys

yeah I'm out that Brooklyn now I'm  down in Tribeca, right next to Deniro, but I'll be hood forever
I'm the new Sinatra, and since I made it here can make it anywhere, yeah they love me everywhere
I used to cop in Harlem, all of my Dominicano'
Right there up on Broadway, pull me back to that McDonald's
Took it to my stash-box, 560 State St., catch me in the kitchen like a Simmons with them Pastries
Cruisin' down 8th St., off white Lexus, driving so slow, but BK is from Texas
Me, I'm out that Best Buy, home of that boy Biggie
Now I live on Billboard and I brought my boys with me
say what's up to Ty-Ty, still sippin' mai tai's, sittin' courside, Knicks and Nets give my a high five
Hey I be spiked out, I could trip a referee, tell my my attitude that I'm most definitely from

C: New York, concrete jungle where dreams are made of, theres nothing you can't do
Now you're in New York, these streets will make you feel brand new
Big lights will inspire you
Let's hear it for New York, New York, New York

Catch me at the X with OG at a Yankee game
Hey I made the Yankee hat more famous that a Yankee can
You should know I bleed blue, but I ain't a crip though
But I got a gang a people walking with my clique though
Welcome to the melting pot, corners where we sellin' pot, Africa Bambatta stuff, home of the hip-hop
Yellow cap, gypsy cap, dollar cab, holla back
For foreigners it ain't pretty act like they forgot how to act
8 million stories, out there in it naked, city is a pity of of you won't make it
Me, I got a plug, Special Ed "I Got it Made",if Jesus payin' LeBron, I'm payin' Dwyane Wade
three dice Cee-lo, three Card Marley, labor day parade, rest in peace Bob Marley
Statue of Liberty, long live the World Trade, long live the King yo, I'm from Empire state that's

C

Lights is blinding, girls need blinders, so they can step out of bounds quick the sidelines is
Lined with casualties, who sip to life casually, then gradually become worse
Don't bit the apple, Eve
Caught up in the in-crowd, now you're in style
And when the winter gets cold, in Vogue with your skin out
City of sin, it's a pity on a whim, good girls gone bad, the city's filled with them
Mommy took a bus trip, now she got her bust out, everybody rides her, just like a bus route
Hail Mary to the city, you're a virgin and Jesus can't save you, life starts when the church end
Came here for school, graduated to the high life, ball players, rap starts, addicted to the limelight
MDMA got you feelin' like a champion, the city never sleeps, better slip you an Ambien

C

 One hand in the air for the big city
Street lights, big dreams, all lookin' pretty
No place in the world that could compare
Put your lighters in the air everybody say
yeah, yeah yeah, yeah

Mixed breed

Okay guys, so my friend is supporting the LGBT community online. Which, if you haven't tried, is next to impossible. So this one guy said she was a nigger and that the messiah was coming and he would especially kill her and anyone associated with her because she's a fag lover and I just...
I may not be totally Christian right at this moment, but I know enough to know that God doesn't want people to judge and that love is key. So that comment really got to me. Especially the nigger part. I'm sorry I have to put these words on here.
Mostly because of the fact that I'm mixed. Black and White. Honestly I'm living proof that this racism thing is ridiculous. I'm not a spawn of Satan. I'm a spawn of a museum education director and cat-scan tech.
One time my friend called me a mixed breed. Yeah, I know. It's not a good term to use, ever. I don't care if you're joking. It's hateful.
Now this guy is blaming gays for 9/11 and hurricanes. Ugh, I need a nap.

Cher- Half-breed

My father married a pure Cherokee
My mother's people were ashamed of me
The Indians said I was white by law
The White Man always called me "Indian Squaw"

Half-breed, that's all I ever heard
Half-breed, how I learned to hate the word
Half-breed, she's no good they warned
Both sides were against me since the day I was born

We never settled, went from town to town
When you're not welcome you don't hang around
The other children always laughed at me
"Give her a feather, she's a Cherokee"

Half-breed, that's all I ever heard
Half-breed, how I learned to hate the word
Half-breed, she's no good they warned
Both sides were against me since the day I was born

We weren't accepted and I felt ashamed
Nineteen I left them tell me who's to blame
My life since then has been from man to man
But I can't run away from who I am

Half-breed, that's all I ever heard
Half-breed, how I learned to hate the word
Half-breed, she's no good they warned
Both sides were against me since the day I was born

Then there's this whole religion thing

So I think it's great that I feel so close to God when I go to youth group. And the day after that. And maybe the day after that. But after that, I don't know. I forget to pray. I don't evaluate everything I do to make sure I'm not sinning. I just stop. I don't know if its me, or if I just wasn't meant to be a Christian, or what. Because there's all these other religions out there I've never experienced, like, what if I want to be enlightened? Or like the idea of fasting or the Mecca? Or what if I think twelve gods live up on a very climbable named Mount Olympus and no one ever bothered to check?
But then there's the fact that, excuse my cheesiness, I feel in my heart that there is a God. I just don't know if I want to worship him or not. Because what kind of God damns his creations to hell that he loves so much? I can't imagine that. And my immediate family, who are all Christians by the by, try to explain it to me, "God loves everyone but if we don't accept him into our hearts he can't admit us into heaven" and I'm like, "YES he can he can do anything why are you pretending this is not what he CHOOSES to do?" And they try to convince me I'm wrong and, hell, maybe I am but I cannot find the logic in that. Because excuse me, in the cases of the people I love, I'd rather damn myself to hell than to damn them. And I guess what's what Jesus did. But not really. Because he just gave us a CHANCE to un-damn ourselves, which is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me. But do I really want to go to Heaven while my best friend doesn't because she's not Christian? She hasn't had the exposure I have. Or the experiences. And I'm not going to convert her or anything because, hey, I don't know WHAT them mess I am. But if she dies tomorrow, that's it? Bye bye? I hate that.
And then there's the whole thing of some Christians being really hateful. Like, excuse me sir, take down that sign and let those homosexuals be married. Why not instead go home and eat a cheeseburger, swimming in grease! Or the really loving ones, who seem really fake to me. Always smiling and having bake sales and are seriously always wearing a pastel-color dress like whats up with that? I know the Amish girls always have to wear dresses but what are you doing?
I don't know, anyone out there, please explain this to me because this is ridiculous on a number of levels.
 

MIKA- Popular Song

You were the popular one, the popular chick, it is what it is now I'm popular-ish
Standing on the field with your pretty pompoms now you're working at the movies selling popular corn
I could've been a mess but I never went wrong now I'm putting down my story in a popular song
I said I'm putting down my story in a popular song

C: My problem, I never was a model, I never was a scholar
But you were always popular
You were singing all the songs I don't know, and now you're in the front row
'Cause my song is popular
Popular, I know about popular, it's not about who you are or your fancy car
You're only ever who you were
Popular, I know about popular, and all that you have to do is be true to you
That's all you ever need to know
So catch up, 'cause you've got an awfully long way to go
So catch up, 'cause you've got an awfully long way to go

Always on the lookout for someone to hate, picking on my like a dinner plate
You hid during classes and inbetween 'em, dunk me in the toilets now it's you that cleans them
Always make me feel bad with the things you do, it ain't so funny when the joke's on you
Oh, the joke's on you, got everyone laughing, got everyone clapping, asking
How come you look so cool? 'Cause that's the only thing that I learned at school
Boy, uh huh, I said that's the only thing that I learned at school

C

Matchbox 20- Let's see how far we've come

I'm waking up at the start of the end of the world
But it's feeling just like every other morning before
Now I wonder what my life is gonna mean if it's gone
The cars are moving like half a mile an hour and
I started staring at the passengers and waving goodbye
Can you tell me what was every really special about me all this time?

C: Well, I believe the world is burning to the ground
Oh well, I guess we're gonna find out
Let's see how far we've come, let's see how far we've come
Well, I believe it's all coming to an end
Oh well, I guess we're gonna pretend
Let's see how far we've come, let's see how far we've come

I think it turned ten o'clock, but I don't really know an
I can't remember caring for an hour or so
I started crying and I couldn't stop myself
I starting running but there's nowhere to run to
I sat down on the street and took a look at myself
Say where you going man, you know the world is headed or hell
Say your goodbyes if you've got someone to say goodbye to

C

 It's gone, gone, baby, it's all gone
There's no one on the corner and there's no one at home
Well, and it's all cool, cool, it was just all cool
Now it's over for me and it's over for you
Well, it's gone, gone, baby, it's all gone
There's no one on the corner and there's no one at home
Well, and it's cool, cool, it was just all cool
Now it's over for me and it's over for you

C

One Direction- The Story of my Life

Written in these walls are the stories that I can't explain
I leave my heart open but it stays right here empty for days
She told me in the morning she doesn't feel the same about us in her bones
It seems to me that when I die these words will be written on my stone
And I'll be gone, gone tonight, the ground beneath my feet is open wide
The way that I've been holding on too tight with nothing in between

The story of my life I take her home
I drive all night to keep her warm and time is frozen
The story of my life I giver her hope
I spend her love until she's broke inside, the story of my life

Written on these walls are the colors that I can't change
Leave my heart open but it stays right here in its cage
I know that in the morning I'll see us in the light upon the pier
Although I'm broken my heart is untamed still
And I'll be gone, gone tonight, the fire beneath my feet is burning bright
The way that I've been holding on so tight with nothing inbetween

C

And I've been waiting for this time to come around
But baby running after you is like chasing the clouds

C
The story of my life

P.S. Don't get me wrong I usually don't listen to One Direction but hey, I know a good song when I hear one.

I go to seek a great perhaps

Sometimes, you read a book & it fills you with this weird evangelical zeal and you become convinced that the shattered world will never be put back together unless & until all living humans read the book.

• You like someone who can't like like you back because unrequited love can be survived in a way that once-requited love cannot
• There are infinite numbers between 0 and 1. There's .1 and .12 and an infinite collection of others. Of course, there is a bigger infinite set of numbers between 0 and 2, or between 0 and a million. Some infinities are bigger than other infinities. A writer we used to like taught us that. There are days, many of them, when I resent the size of my unbounded set. I want more numbers for Augustus Waters and he got. But, Gus, my love, I cannot tell you how thankful I am for our little infinity. I wouldn't trade it for the world. You gave me forever within the numbered days, and I'm grateful.
• Why is being a nerd bad? Saying, "I noticed you're a nerd" is like saying, "Hey, I noticed that you'd rather be intelligent than be stupid. That you'd rather be thoughtful than be vapid. That you believe there are more things that matter more than the arrest record of Lindsay Lohan." Why is that?
• That's the thing about pain. It demands to be felt.
• Something about me has always like the drama and inconvenience of bad weather. The worse the better really.
• As long as we don't die, this is going to be a hell of a story.
• Maybe the strings inside him broke.
• If people we rain, I would be a drizzle and she would be a hurricane.
• I fear oblivion
• Nerds like us, are allowed to be unironically enthusiastic about stuff. Nerds are allowed to lovve stuff, like, jump-up-and-down-in-your-chair-can't-control-yourself love it. When people call you nerds, mostly what they're saying is "You like stuff" Which is not a good insult at all. Like, "You too are enthusiastic about the miracle of human consciousness."
• My thoughts are starts I can fathom into constellations.
• Truth defies simplicity

John Green quotes