Guess who has her Halloween costume from the neck up??

Done, done, and done

God, I'm good

Bryan Adams- Sound the Bugle

Sound the bugle now, play it just for me
As the seasons change, remember how I used to be
Now I can't go on, I can't even start
I've got nothing left, just an empty heart

I'm a soldier, wounded so I must give up the fight
There's nothing more for me, lead me away
Or leave me lying here

Sound the bugle now, tell them I don't care
There's not a road I know that leads to anywhere
Without a light I fear that I will stumble in the dark
Lay right down, decide not to go on

Then from on high, somewhere in the distance
There's a voice that calls, "Remember who you are"
If you lose yourself, your courage soon will follow

So be strong tonight, remember who you are
Yeah, you're a soldier now, fighting in a battle
To be free once more
Yeah, that's worth fighting for

New Life Philosophy

I'm either gonna kill myself or everything is gonna work out, kind of indifferent to which happens first

I'm surprised I'm alive to write this

I still just want to jump in front of a car and take as many pills as I can get my hands on and it's not because we broke up it's because I isolated myself long before you did and I always wanted you to be perfect because you were my lifeline but when my lifeline breaks I'm alone and I really wanna do that night over because I miss you and I figured that if we were over for good it'd be my fault if I killed myself after and you couldn't think it was yours, I really hope you're doing better and if you're not then nothing good came out of this so come back to me please?
But if you are, this was just a joke, ha

I feel like

I want to be alone. I really want to just spend my classes at my desk with my work. I want to spend lunches in the library or sitting on the staircase reading. I want after school to be filled with homework and my texts to just be about school and clubs. I want weekends to be filled with studying and music and tv. I want to talk to my family that I like and talk to "friends" only when I need to.
I don't even feel alive. I feel empty but also full of nothing but sand. I want the bare minimum of clothes, food, everything but knowledge and a promise of future.
Everything I want to say is this,

To you, I'm really sorry. If I could go back this would've never happened. I should've seen it, and I hate myself for not, now I don't know what's gonna happen. "Not today" is the proper response to anything but "I can't love myself in this relationship" so I don't know where to go from here. I thought we were becoming different people, and I thought that could be fine, or we could be drifting apart, I don't know. And until I get any sort of spine I'm just going to sit at the pond and wait until it isn't the wind rustling the leaves that sounds like you walking towards me. I know it makes no sense, but what else can I do. How can I move on when I'm still in love with you. And yeah, you're broken, I get it. You're a shell, anything and everything, I get it. Who am I to say I can help you, all I know for sure is that I can promise you won't go through it alone if you just. I don't know. Fuck it all I suppose. I hope a second of wanting to talk to me, a second of wanting me to help you comes cause I don't know what to do.
To everyone else, I wish I gave a fuck
Thanks The Script for the lyrics

Anna Nalick- Breathe

2 a.m. and she calls me 'cause I'm still awake
"Can you help me unravel my latest mistake?
I don't love him, winter just wasn't my season"
Yeah, we walk through the doors, so accusing in their eyes
Like they have any right at all to criticize
Hypocrites, you're all here for the very same reason

'Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable
Life's like an hourglass glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button, girl
So cradle your head in your hands
And breathe, just breathe
Oh, breathe, just breathe

May, he turned 21 on the base at Fort Bliss
"Just a day" he said down to the flask in his fist
He ain't been sober since maybe October of last year
Here in town you can tell he's been down for a while
But, my God, it's so beautiful when the boy smiles
I wanna hold him, maybe I'll just sing about it

'Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable
And life's like an hourglass glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button, boys
So cradle your head in your hands
And breathe, just breathe
Oh, breathe, just breathe

There's a light at each end of this tunnel
You shout 'cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be out
And these mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again
If only you'd try turning around

2 a.m. and I'm still awake writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me
Threatening the life it belongs to
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
'Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you'll use them, however you want to

But you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable
And life's like an hourglass glued to a table
No one can find the rewind button now
So breathe, just breathe
Breathe, just breathe

Me singing and hitting my knee

You're hot and you're cold!
You're yes and you're no!
You're in and you're out!
You're up an- OH GOD OW

The Irony is What Kills Me

I've tried for years to make sure no one feels like they can't talk to me. And right now I have no one to talk to

Adele- Don't You Remember

When will I see you again?
You left with no goodbye, not a single word was said
No final kiss to seal any sins
I had no idea of the state we were in

I know I have a fickle heart, and a bitterness
And a wandering eye, and a heaviness in my head

But don't you remember?
Don't you remember?
The reason you loved me before?
Baby, please remember me once more

When was the last time you thought of me?
Or have you completely erased me from your memory?
I often thing about where I went wrong
The more I do, the less I know

But I know I have a fickle heart, and a bitterness
And a wandering eye, and heaviness in my head

But don't you remember?
Don't you remember?
The reason you loved me before?
Baby, please remember me once more

Gave you the space so you could breathe
I kept my distance so you would be free
And hoped that you'd find the missing piece
To bring you back to me

Why don't you remember? Don't you remember?
The reason you loved me before
Baby, please remember you used to love me

When will I see you again?

Then maybe you can remember why you loved yourself too. That's the thing about loving yourself. If it's not unconditional it won't work for long

When it's good it's great but when it's bad it's awful

It feels like, I don't know. Anything would be better than finding out he's better off without me. Because I'm still sitting here praying it's not true, and it's selfish and idiotic and it's so so over but I'm never going to get over the fact that every time I look back and ask what I could've done better the answer is always nothing. And I'm still hoping maybe he'll take it back, so fucking selfish, or realize it was something else that he needs so I can relax. I'm thinking that maybe if it happens soon, I won't even be breaking the rule that we're never getting back together. Did we really separate if I haven't admitted it to anyone? Even to myself?