I feel like

I want to be alone. I really want to just spend my classes at my desk with my work. I want to spend lunches in the library or sitting on the staircase reading. I want after school to be filled with homework and my texts to just be about school and clubs. I want weekends to be filled with studying and music and tv. I want to talk to my family that I like and talk to "friends" only when I need to.
I don't even feel alive. I feel empty but also full of nothing but sand. I want the bare minimum of clothes, food, everything but knowledge and a promise of future.
Everything I want to say is this,

To you, I'm really sorry. If I could go back this would've never happened. I should've seen it, and I hate myself for not, now I don't know what's gonna happen. "Not today" is the proper response to anything but "I can't love myself in this relationship" so I don't know where to go from here. I thought we were becoming different people, and I thought that could be fine, or we could be drifting apart, I don't know. And until I get any sort of spine I'm just going to sit at the pond and wait until it isn't the wind rustling the leaves that sounds like you walking towards me. I know it makes no sense, but what else can I do. How can I move on when I'm still in love with you. And yeah, you're broken, I get it. You're a shell, anything and everything, I get it. Who am I to say I can help you, all I know for sure is that I can promise you won't go through it alone if you just. I don't know. Fuck it all I suppose. I hope a second of wanting to talk to me, a second of wanting me to help you comes cause I don't know what to do.
To everyone else, I wish I gave a fuck
Thanks The Script for the lyrics