God-2

So one time I was at youth group, and I think it was a retreat or something? I don't remember. Anyway, I just really gave myself to God and put my hands up and I was crying but it was the good kind, you know? I didn't worry about what other people thought of me, or how much I hate everything, or even if I was, I don't know, praising the right way. I just felt right and that was amazing. I haven't felt that in a while but I want to.
And it's weird how one minute you can not like someone, and like someone else. And then you see a side to a person you thought you didn't like, and suddenly you're considering it.

God

I've missed him so much. It's kind of amazing. I didn't realize how much I missed him until tonight. I miss being able to pray, and having something to talk to my dad about. My faith. And I've strayed so far from it lately. My closest friends aren't Christian, and it's a mess. And then this girl comes in and shows me what I'm missing. And I realize how desperately bad I want her life and it can totally be possible.
So this church may not completely believe what I believe and that sucks, but right now I want to focus on getting my relationship with God back, and if this is the way to do it then so be it. Because this is something I really want. And I'm not saying I'm going to baptize myself next weekend, but I'm going to start praying.
But I will always support homosexuality and everything else I believe strongly in no matter what they tell me.

So theres this thing

This drifting thing I seem to be doing. And don't get me wrong, I love my friends but lately I've just been less interested in being around them. I love who they are, and their jokes, and everything. But I don't like who I am around them. Well, some of them.
Because I hate when my dad calls and he's like, I made a new Awkward Christian video check it out. I made them for you. And I'm just like, "My Christianity warranty expired about 9 months ago." Geez, I should've gotten the extended warranty. That's how they get 'cha. And then some of my friends make really good points about why they aren't a Christian. And then others make better points about why they are. And then I'm here like, "I don't know!" because I can't seem to stop cussing around some friends. And I like to cuss and make jokes and yeah if I find a quote that has a cuss in it I'll say it without a second thought and now I'm thinking and I hate the way it sounds.
I want someone to look at me and go, "Yeah, she's a Christian." But they don't. I cuss, I never invite anyone to my church, or talk about my church. And even when I support homosexuality I put down the Bible but I do believe in the Bible and I believe in sin. And I would never frick-frack before marriage or, you know, actually KILL someone. And there's other stuff too about how I love and have faith in Jesus but the idea of religion is not appealing to me.

Easy A- Why I like it

1. The soundtrack. Obviously. It's fantastic.
2. Phrases like: "The rumors of my promiscuity have been greatly exaggerated" and "The accelerated velocity of terminological inexactitude"
3. Emma Stone's voice is just, I dunno, my favorite.
4. Penn Dayton Badgley. HELLO
5. Amanda Bynes. Because she's amazing.
6. And lastly, John Hughes. Sixteen Candles, Say Anything, Easy A. Hells yeah.

You got me- Colbie Caillat

You're stuck on me and my laughing eyes, I can't pretend though I try to hide
I like you, I like you
I think I felt my heart skip a beat, I'm standing here and I can hardly breathe
You got me, you got me
The way you take my hand is just so sweet
And that crooked smile of yours it knocks me off my feet

Oh, I just can't get enough
How much do I need to fill me up
It feels so good that it must be love
It's everything that I've been dreaming of
I give up, I give in, I let go, let's begin
'Cause no matter what I do
Oh, my heart is filled with you

I can't image what it'd be like, living each day in my life without you
Without you
One look from you I know you understand, this mess we're in you know is just so out of hand

C

I hope we always feel this way (I know we will)
And in my heart I know that you will always stay

Oh, I just can't get enough
How much do I need to fill me up
It feels so good it must be love
I give up, I give in, I let go, let's begin
'Cause no matter what I do

Oh, you got me, you got me
Oh, you got me, you got me

Okay so I got this kindle fire right?

And its really annoying? Because thank gosh it was free? But downloading music from iTunes onto it is impossible? And I don't know why I have a question mark after every sentence?

A-homo-a-sexu-a-lity

Okay guys so on Wednesday I'm going to Patricia-Faith's church? And she goes to Fellowship Bible. And every time I'm invited to a church it's Fellowship Bible. I've been invited like 5 times. I don't know, I think it's weird. Because that church is one that I KNOW doesn't support homosexuality. And I do. But almost all of my friends go there. Most of them because it's a huge damn church. But most of my friends support homosexuality. My one friend Joey was listening to a sermon this past Sunday, and they started talking about homosexuality and damning it to hell or whatever and she's cool so she drew a picture in her sketchbook of two gay broccoli's kissing each other and it was really cute and I liked it. She's cool.
But anyway, if any person in there starts talking about homosexuality in a bad way, I'm going to speak up. Calling other people abominations. Unbelievable.
But know that I believe everyone is allowed their own opinion. We just tend to have different ones. I'm not saying I'M gay, or bi or anything. But jeez. Anyone see Macklemore's performance? SUCH a Squeeeee!!!! moment!

Pluviophile

(n.) a lover of rain; someone who finds joy and peace of mind on rainy days

Yup, thats me. That's why my favorite color is gray. Because peace finds me when the sky is gray

Proposals

So one of my closest friends wants to get married to her boyfriend as soon as she turns 18. He proposed and everything. They're both 16, hes not super older than her or anything. But when she told me I was like, "No way! I'm so happy for you!" And on the inside I was like, "No no no no no no no no no no" Because, sorry, the idea of marrying your high school sweetheart is not appealing to me. One of my teachers married hers when she turned 18. They went to college, and they both changed so much that they had to get divorced. I don't think a person finds who they are in high school. Our hormones are raging and everyone cares too much about what other people think.
I'm so scared for my friend, I want her to be happy, and to not get hurt. But this is a bad idea. I feel terrible for saying this, but I hope they break up before she turns 18. Then there won't be a wedding. They are such a cute couple but the idea of anyone getting married at 18 seems like such a bad thing to do.
I know I can't tell her what to do, and I'm honored that she would share such a big secret with me(shes only told one other person), and I will support her and do what I can to make sure she's happy, but deep down I know it's a bad idea. I'm just hoping everything will work out so no one gets hurt.

Yearbooks

So today everyone got their yearbooks and that was fine I only signed like three, only people who bought them gets to go to the yearbook signing party. I guess I should've bought one, a story of me was in there. But whatever. Too late now. Or not. Depending on how I feel on the money situation later in the year. In the three yearbooks I signed, I said I Love You!!! in each. Alex, Diana, and Ryan. To Alex; I love you, bro! To Diana; I love you, my best friend! To Ryan; My favorite nerd <3! Because when someone looks back at their yearbook and see my signature, I want them to remember me as a good, happy friend. Not as the friend that they're scared of, or the one that hates everything.

The "I hate you" curse

Apparently, and I say this from prior experience, I am destined to say "I hate you" very seriously to the person I like at least once. I don't know why I do it, but I do. But I wish I didn't.

A sad thing

When two people really get to know each other: their secrets, their fears, their favorite things, what they love, what they hate, literally everything, and then go back to being strangers. It's like you have to walk past them and pretend like you never knew them, never even talked to them before, when really, you know everything about them.

Hella Cute Questions

1. Do you believe in love at first sight?
1. I don't even know what love is
2. Do you believe in true love?
1. See above
3. Are you currently bored?
1. Well I'm blogging, so
4. What makes you happy?
1. Warm blankets
5. Would you change your name?
1. Maybe
6. Whats your zodiac sign?
1. (shrug)
7. Do you like Subway?
1. Yes
8. Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?
1. Run and hide
9. Favorite lyrics right now?
1. I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing
10. Can you count to one million?
1. I can try
11. Dumbest lie you ever told?
1. I told someone I like them when I really didn't to save a friendship
12. Do you sleep with your door open or closed?
1. Closed
13. How tall are you?
1. 5'4
14. Curly or straight hair?
1. Straight
15. Brunette or blonde?
1. Brunette
16. Summer or winter?
1. Winter
17. Night or day?'
1. Night
18. Favorite month?
1. January
19. Are you a vegetarian?
1. No
20. Dark, milk, or white chocolate?
1. Dark
21. Tea or coffee?
1. Tea
22. Was today a good day?
1. So far
23. What's your favorite quote?
1. The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars, but in ourselves, that we are underlings
24. Do you believe in ghosts?
1. Yes

Hella Cute Questions

1. Do you miss anyone from your past?
1. Yes
2. Ever been to a bonfire party?
1. Yes
3. Ever broken someone's heart?
1. Yes
4. Have you ever been on a horse?
1. Yes
5. Is something irritating you right now?
1. Yes
6. What should you be doing?
1. Schoolwork
7. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?
1. Yes
8. Do you have trust issues?
1. Yes
9. Who was the last person you cried in front of?
1. Aleysa
10. What was your childhood nickname?
1. Er-Bear
11. Have you ever been out of your state?
1. I live out of my state
12. Do you play the Wii?
1. Yes
13. Are you listening to music right now?
1. No
14. Do you like chicken noodle soup?
1. Yes
15. Do you like Chinese food?
1. Love
16. Favorite book?
1. Love Inc.
17. Are you afraid of the dark?
1. Yes
18. Are you mean?
1. Hope not
19. Is cheating ever okay?
1. No
20. Can you keep white shoes clean?
1. Not to save my life

Hella Cute Questions

1. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?
1. Mean Girls
2. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?
1. Mean Girls
3. Favorite character from Mean Girls?
1. Damien
4. Favorite character from Finding Nemo?
1. Mr. Ray
5. First person you talked to today?
1. My brother
6. Name a person you hate?
1. No
7. Name a person you love?
1. Aleysa
8. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?
1. Yes
9. In a fight with someone?
1. No
10. How many sweatpants do you have?
1. 3
11. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?
1. 2
12. Last movie you watched?
1. Avalon High (regretfully)
13. Favorite actress?
1. Anne Hathaway or Amanda Seyfried
14. Favorite actor?
1. Josh Hutcherson
15. Do you tan a lot?
1. No
16. Have any pets?
1. No
17. How are you feeling?
1. No idea
18. Do you type fast?
1. Yes
19. Do you regret anything from your past?
1. Yes
20. Can you spell well?
1. Yes

Hella Cute Questions

1. Tell the story of your first kiss?
1. None of your business
2. Are you hungry right now?
1. Always
3. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?
1. No
4. Facebook or Twitter?
1. Facebook
5. Twitter or Tumblr?
1. Tumblr
6. Are you watching TV right now?
1. No
7. Names of your best friends?
1. Diana, Jasmine, Aleysa, Jaymond, and Michelle
8. Craving something? What?
1. Mini donuts
9. What color are your towels?
1. Red, white, and purple
10. How many pillows do you sleep with?
1. Two
11. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?
1. No
12. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?
1. 7-10
13. What color is your underwear?
1. Black
14. Favorite animal?
1. Tigers
15. Chocolate or vanilla?
1. Vanilla
16. Favorite ice cream flavor?
1. Mint chocolate chip
17. What color shirt are you wearing?
1. Blue
18. What color pants?
1. Jeans
19. Favorite TV show?
1. Degrassi
20. Favorite movie?
1. The Breakfast Club

Hella Cute Questions

1. Do you smile at strangers?
1. Yes
2. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?
1. Bottom of the ocean
3. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?
1. The smell of bacon
4. What are you paranoid about?
1. Psychopaths coming to get me and people I know secretly hating me and/or reading my blog
5. Have you ever been high?
1. No
6. Have you ever been drunk?
1. No
7. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?
1. Yes
8. What was the color of the last hoodie you wore?
1. Blue
9. Ever wished you were someone else?
1. Yes
10. One think you could change about yourself?
1. My eye color from brown to green
11. Favorite makeup brand?
1. E.L.F.
12. Favorite blog?
1. This one
13. Favorite color?
1. Gray
14. Favorite food?
1. Penne alla Vodka
15. Last think you ate?
1. Bacon
16. First thing you ate this morning?
1. Biscuits
17. Ever won a competition? For what?
1. Yes, Science fair, honor roll, jump rope
18. Ever been suspended/expelled? For what?
1. Never
19. Been arrested? For what?
1. Never
20. Ever been in love?
1. I don't even know what love is

Hella Cute Questions

1. What are your bad habits?
1. Overanalyzing
2. Where would you like to travel?
1. Anywhere and everywhere
3. Do you have trust issues?
1. Absolutely
4. Favorite part of your daily routine?
1. Sleeping
5. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?
1. Legs
6. What do you do when you wake up?
1. Stretch
7. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?
1. Lighter
8. Who are you most comfortable around?
1. Myself
9. Have any of your ex's told you they regret breaking up?
1. Yes
10. Do you ever want to get married?
1. Yes
11. Is your hair long enough for a ponytail?
1. Yes
12. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?
1. Josh Hutcherson and Ryan Reynolds
13. Have you ever liked someone and not told them?
1. Yes
14. Would you rather live without TV or music?
1. Music
15. What do you say during awkward silences?
1. You know without trigonometry there'd be no engineering? Or, How 'bout them sports?
16. Describe your dream girl/guy?
1. Doesn't want to PDA, can Harry Potter or Doctor Who Marathon with me, makes me laugh and who understands he is my favorite, not my best, friend
17. What are your favorite stores to shop in?
1. Earthbound Company, Barnes & Noble, and Sephora
18. What do you want to do after high school?
1. College or Culinary school
19. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?
1. Yes
20. If you're being extremely quiet what does it mean?
1. I'm thinking

Hella Cute Questions

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?
1. My friend Hannah
2. Are you outgoing or shy?
1. Shy
3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? 
1. My crush during third block
4. Are you easy to get along with? 
1. Sure
5. If you were drunk, would the person you like take care of you?
1. Yes
6. What kind of people are you attracted to?
1. Smart, funny, and kind. Blue eyes are nice as well
7. Do you think you'll be in a relationship two months from now?
1. No
8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?
1. *See question 3
9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?
1. Yes
10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?
1. My friend Diana
11. What does the most recent text you've sent say?
1. Bye
12. What are your five favorite songs?
1. No idea
13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?
1. Yes
14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?
1. Sometimes
15. What good thing happened to you this summer?
1. I saw my dad
16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
1. No
17. Do you think there is life on other planets?
1. Yes
18. Do you still talk to your first crush?
1. I wish
19. Do you like bubble baths?
1. Yes
20. Do you like your neighbors? 
1. Sure

Rockin' Quotes

• Forget it enough to get over it. Remember it enough so it'll never happen again.
• Human reason can excuse any evil. That is why it is necessary not to depend on it.
• You can love someone so much... but you can never love people as much as you miss them
• Never explain yourself. Your friends don't need it and your enemies won't believe it.

Do you ever

Just type, Depressing Quotes into the Google images search bar and press enter? 'Cause I do that all the time. And I see this stuff about girls cutting and all this and how a girl always says "I'm fine." when she's really not and I'm here like, wheres all the boy stuff?
Because it's not just girls. Who cut, who get their heart broken, who are in abusive families and watch the girl they love dating some douche. I guess they just don't make pictures for that because they don't show it. You know, the last few shootings I've seen weren't by girls who were depressed. It was boys who couldn't take life anymore take theirs away and others. And it's terrible.

What kind of world do we live in where 19 people dead can seem like any kind of miracle?

Odd Thomas, Dean Koontz

I want to make a movie

A combination of "A Little Bit of Heaven" and "The Fault in Our Stars". I want to call it, Before I Die. And I want it to be about this girl who is like, fifteen and she's finds out that she has cancer and won't make it to sixteen. And then she gets all sentimental and mad because, hello, every girl should make it to sixteen. That is the prime teenage age. Like seven is the prime kid age. So she only has a few months, about the whole summer I guess and part of the school year. And she tells her closest friends and they're like, okay, we'll help you do what you want to do before you die. And there's a bunch of crazy stuff like,

1. Kiss my crush randomly
2. Stand up on the Ferris wheel
3. Play the cancer card to get something free
4. Have a Sweet Sixteen
5. Meet someone famous
6. Go to Europe

etc. etc. etc. and I think there will be 16 of them because, hello cliche-ness! So I'm going to start writing it and we'll see how it goes.

Hello, Happiness

So I was thinking, when I find my significant other I do not want to call them "baby" or "sweetie" or "love" because 1) Babies look like potatoes 2) That person probably isn't sweet in fact I know what skin tastes like and it has more of a savory taste (I'm not cannibalistic, promise) and 3) My brother and his girlfriend are calling each other 'love' and saying 'I love you' and I'm here like, YOU'VE BEEN DATING A MONTH GIVE IT TIME and that drives me crazy you cannot just throw that word around but whatever.
Back to the point, I'd rather call my significant other by their name, or if I'm going to give them a pet name it'll be a nickname or I'd call them "Happiness" or "Hope" because that is what they give me, you know? I'd like if someone greeted me with, "Hello, my Hope" because that makes me feel like I have a purpose as a girlfriend not just lips to kiss.

Your existence gives me hope

Okay so, another crush post, obviously. Clearly I've had one to many Cheez-its. So today my stupid Spanish teacher is gone on medical leave AGAIN so we went to the gym because we didn't have a sub. And as I was walking there I thought, "Oh yeah, he transferred out of Spanish so he'll be in gym this block." And he was. And at first I went to sit with my brother to that guy I had a crush on last year and this senior guy who's pretty funny. And my best guy friend JJ. And that was fun. Especially because I had this new book to read that is SO good but that's beside the point.
Anyway, so eventually I went over there to play cards with him. And that was fun. Although at one point I had been sitting cross-legged for about 10 minutes and my leg fell asleep but I didn't know, and I had to get up to play duck-duck-goose and I was about to fall down the bleachers which was fine, I thought it was funny. He did too.
Oh jeez, putting these italics make me sound like a girly-girl in my head.

Something Borrowed (Favorite Adult Rom-Com)

40 cupcakes and 10 brownies

Yes. Yep. 40 cupcakes. Half chocolate with chocolate icing and half blue velvet with cream cheese icing. And 10 fudgey brownies that may or may not be completely done. Took us (us being me and 2 best buddies) three hours. It should not have taken that long. NEVER doing that again. And it was for a bake sale so we couldn't eat them all!!!

A Little Too Much- Natasha Bedingfeld

Sometimes it hits like a car crash and it's too late to reverse
Sometimes you make me a better person, sometimes you bring out the worst
Sometimes we get on like fire, sometimes we're stubborn like rain
Just when I think it's over, you wave a white flag again

C: We fall out then we fall back in, we're always back where we begin
Everybody hurts just a little too much, everybody hurts but it's never enough
It's wonderful to fall, it's worth of risking all
I'd rather love just a little too much

Sometimes we're trapped in a circle, 'til we're digging holes in the ground
We're trying, but nothing is working; but I still want you around
'Cause if I'm lost in the desert, I know somehow you'll find me
And if I drown in the oceans, you'll be the first one to rescue me

C

It's wonderful to fall, it's worth of risking all
Even if it hurts just a little too much
I'd rather love just a little too much

"British Accents"

This British accent thing is a lot harder than I anticipated. I suck immensely at it. I sound annoying. But I really want to ace it. This is a really hard curveball life is chucking at me. I want to quit but I know that if I do I'm just setting the stage for more failure.

Not even worth reading

I don't have anything remotely interesting to say here but my number of posts was at 69 and since I'm a high schooler I could NOT seriously leave it at that.

Emotionless

Before I start, you should know that I am in chess club. It's not nerdy or dorky or whatever it's effing awesome is what it is. My friend, Jazzi, she is amazing at chess. She sees the board at like, 5 moves ahead of what is actually happening. I have a great respect for her.
Well, a few mornings ago while we were playing, I "stalemated" her. I had a queen and a king, and she only had a king and I could've checkmated her had I had more time. But the bell rang and I had to get to Spanish class.
That's not what I wanted to talk about. I wanted to talk about being emotionless, as the title implies. Because my friend called me that that day. Gosh, okay what is the difference between being emotionless and being aloof? Because Google definition didn't really tell me anything I wanted to know.
Okay, so aloof is cool and distant? What kind of crap is that? Emotionless is showing no emotion at all. Well, what's the difference?

Depressing, I know

Why does this hurt so bad?
The things I wish I had
They come crawling back
And biting at my heart
I try to fight them off
But they pull me deeper into the trough
I'm losing myself
And I think I might be glad
Because then it'll hurt less
I can forget that I'm a mess
My emotions vanish
And in turn my thoughts
If I lose myself
I won't see him with someone else
My emotions vanish
And in turn my thoughts

I'm going to go out on a limb here,

When the boy you like says, "Entertain me" and you're like, "No" And then he's like, "It would be really funny if you stood on this stool and fell. Really dramatically. That would be entertaining." I'm going to go ahead and guess that that means he probably doesn't feel the same about me as I do about him. Or maybe I'm over-analyzing. If so, excuse me.

SPOILER ALERT- DEGRASSI STYLE

I want to feel loved, I want to feel needed, like nobody else could make you feel this way
I want you to tell me that you love me, that you'd die if I was taken away

Okay so on Degrassi Claire broke up with Eli though a phone call, well, voice mail really. And it sounds harsh but in reality it was only because, hello, it's a long-distance relationship and he didn't answer the phone and she was done. I mean, she was done. And then the Maya-Miles-Zig love triangle was beautiful and a mess and I gotta be honest, Miles scares me too. And, well, Zig is crazy but at least she knows he won't flip out on her. 'Cause seriously Miles is unstable. Way to go, Eric Osborne! And Olivia Scriven! And Ricardo Hoyos! And Canadians in particular!

Give it up- Elizabeth Gilles and Ariana Grande

Someday I'll let you in, treat you right, drive you outta your mind
You never met a chick like me, burn so bright, I'm gonna make you blind
Always want what you can't have, is it so bad if you don't get what you wanted
Make you feel good as I whip you into shape, yeah boy, lets get it started

Give it up, you can't win, 'cause I know where you've been
It's a shame you don't put up a fight
It's a game that we play at then end of the night
It's the same old story but you never get it right
Give it up

So stop trying to walk away, no you won't ever leave me behind
You better believe that I'm here to stay, 'cause you're the shade and I'm the sunshine
Look at me boy 'cause I got you where I want you isn't it so exciting?
Wanna shake you, wanna break you, take a backseat boy 'cause now I'm driving

Give it up, you can't win, 'cause I know where you've been

It's a shame you don't put up a fight

It's a game that we play at then end of the night

It's the same old story but you never get it right

Give it up

Come a little closer, come a little closer, baby, baby

Come a little closer, come a little closer, baby, baby

If you are my baby then I'll make you crazy tonight

Look at me boy 'cause I got you where I want you isn't it so exciting?

Wanna shake you, wanna break you, take a backseat boy 'cause now I'm driving

Give it up, you can't win, 'cause I know where you've been

It's a shame you don't put up a fight

It's a game that we play at then end of the night

It's the same old story but you never get it right

Give it up

Yeah!

To the tune of Shakespeare by Miranda Cosgrove

I thought you loved me
And cared for me
You once called me, "My baby"
I thought you missed me
When you hurt me
That you wanted me for certain

I thought you missed me
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

I thought you loved me
And you wanted me
And you cared for my feelings
I thought you'd want me
Forever
You said we'd be together

I thought you loved me
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

British accent challenge

So Patricia-Faith and I are going to talk in British accents all day! It's really hard, because distinguishing between Australian and British in my mouth is infuriating. But I'm just trying to think how Hermione would say it.
"Honestly, Harry!"
"Well, I happen to be his... friend."
"You really should talk to Dumbledore about this."
"Ron!"
Yep, those all came from my head. Cue applause.

Yes, I wrote this. No, I'm not actually dying

I'm writing this down with my last breath
Release is so close but it hasn't come yet
I feel the light reaching me slowly, slowly
Never really knew what I was capable of
But now it's too late, I've already had enough
I guess we'll never know

In my suicide, will you remember me?
Not by what I did, but by what I haven't done
Not by what I used to win, but by what I haven't won
Will you reminisce?

I genuinely am paranoid that everyone secretly hates me and thinks I am really, really annoying and awful and pretending to be my friend and it's all part of some big joke.

You feel me?

Okay, so, random thought/conversation that happened in World History today. Okay, so if you're a girl and you're on a date to the movies or whatever and the boy offers to pay but you're like "Nah, I got this" would you pay for yourself or for the both of you? If it was me, I'd offer to pay both and then what I'm thinking happens next is, the boy is like, "No, seriously, I want to." and then pays for the tickets and then we'd go inside and I would absolutely insist to buy the popcorn.
But I'm here like, okay, if the boy doesn't offer to pay, that's a turn off. And if I was a boy, and the girl didn't offer to pay, that'd be a turn off too. Because, equality, woot woot.
But what if they boy pays for everything(because he absolutely wouldn't let me pay) and then true to cliche-date style, we go to dinner afterwards, well I'd damn well pay for the food because that's just fair. If he pays for that too, I'd be like, THANK YOU for being courteous and all but calm down bro this needs to be fair.
What I'm saying is, since girls think they want to be equal and all this crap, act like it. 'Cause you should not expect a boy to pay for every little thing. Like imagine we're at the fair! And I want three funnel cakes! Do I expect said boy to buy me said funnel cakes at 6 dollars apiece?  No! I'd buy those funnel cakes myself! And he would not pay for my ticket into the fair either, because I'd be sneaky and get there with tickets already paid for for the both of us and he couldn't do a THING about it. Because that's the nice, considerate thing to do. And vice versa if I was a boy.
I'm including a lot of gender in here but mainly I just want to say you should never think twice about doing something nice because of what gender you are, you should do it because of moral values.

Today was a good day

So I got home at around seven after going to Patricia-Faith's house. And I met her boyfriend. And her mom. And her two dogs. I'm not going to lie I REALLY want her life. I felt an episode coming on halfway through the visit and I actually forced it down! Play-by-play:

1. After school I met her in the other person in her father's classroom.
2. We rode to her house, P.F. and I were in the backseat, the other person was shotgun. It sucked because I couldn't talk in the car or I'd have major motion sickness.
3. We got there and I met her two dogs and her cute mom and it was great!!! Then we decided to play Qualf which I had never played before. That was fun too! While we played Qualf, we fed her two dogs popcorn. They like popcorn! I like popcorn!
4. At first I felt really awkward with them but after that I actually felt like a normal teenager! That other person kept snatching away my cards then I had to snatch 'em back. Yeah, I like him, but I don't take that crap from nobody.
5. Then we started watching Frozen which was like the 15 hundredth time I've watched it but the second time I watched it on a screen that wasn't a computer. And then the other person left which I was sad about but was also like, whatever. But P.F.'s sister and I were screaming the lyrics to Frozen which was FANTASTIC.
6. Then her boyfriend came over which was nice enough but the fact that he hasn't seen Rent was like "Holy crap what is wrong with you" but he did know most of the lyrics to Let It Go so I Let It Slide. Ha. See what I did there?

Rumors of my Demise have been Greatly Exaggerated- Rise Against

So please don't ask me how, I ended up at my wits end
And breaking down
Pages torn from books we never read, cause we're plugged into this grid
Don't pull this plug right now, or then we'd really have to live

C: When I die, will they remember not
What I did, but what I haven't done?
It's not the end I fear with each breath
It's life that scares me to death
When we built these dreams on sand, how they all slipped through our hands
This might be our only chance, let's take this one day at a time
I'll hold your hand if you hold mine
The time that we kill keeps us alive

Your words won't save me now, I'm at the edge
Feeling the sweat drip from my brow
"Get a grip on yourself" is what they say, every hour, every day
Hands over my ears, I've been screaming all these years!

C

We came in search of answers! We left empty handed again!

Shots fired into the sky... are now returning!

Where the fuck will you hide?

Hiding from the laughter in the closets of our lives

But the door hinges are squeaking letting in thin shards of light

And now a hand is extending outward, quiet comfort they invite

Do we dare take what they offer? Do we step into the light?

C

The Wizard of Oz

So we had this musical at our school. Three guesses to what it was. So stuff like, "I'm MELTINGGGGG" and the flying monkeys were trademarked or something so that wasn't in it and made me sad. It was based on the book, not on the movie which I just realized. But it was good. I liked my friends who were in it. And the people I didn't know who were in it were pretty good too.
Fun times.

I hate him, I do

You simply can't make someone love you if they don't. You must choose someone who already loves you. If you choose someone who does not love you, this is the sort of love you must want

-Israel Horovitz

THAT LIAR SAID "I LOVE YOU" and he LIED. And I HATE him for it. I was his rebound and one day he will pay. He wonders why I don't talk to him anymore? Here's why:

I HATE YOU

And I will NEVER stop.

Good Morning

I really like one song by Kanye West, and it's Good Morning. The music video is really funny and makes me happy. Speaking of, Happy by Pharrell Williams is getting really popular. Good for him. It's a good song.
Now, to explain whats going on in my life. Tomorrow, Friday, I'm going to my friend Patricia-Faith's house. Her dad was my science teacher last year. I like her a lot. I just really hope that I can spend two and a half hours with her without needed to fill a silence with endless chatter. The one who's existence gives me hope might be there. Depends. Which will be nice, because then it won't be all up to me to fill silence. Or decide for myself if the silence should be filled or not. If he doesn't come though, I don't know. It's not even about me liking him it's about the comfort I really want to feel hanging out with them because I like them both, I do, and I'm hoping this friendship was meant to be.
Another something happening in my life, I had an 'episode' last night. I've only had, like, seven of these in my entire life and let me just sum it up. I lose my mind. I hurt myself, cry, scream, break things, yeah all that crap. Look at me, sharing all this online. But it happens for less than an hour and then I'm fine.
No, I'm not crazy. This is just a little thing called a mental breakdown. The first time I had one was when I was missing my dad about a year ago, and when I called him he didn't answer, and I threw my phone against the wall, and it all went downhill from there. Half an hour later, he called me and I just calmed down and it was all fine. It's not as scary as it sounds.
On a happier note, I finally found Altoids minis! The little mints are so cute!

At the End of the Day- Les Miserables

At the end of the day you're another day older, and that's all you can say for the life of the poor
It's a struggle, it's a war, and there's nothing that anyone's giving
One more day standing about, what is it for?
One day less to be living.

At the end of the day you're another day colder, and the shirt on your back doesn't keep out the chill
And the righteous hurry past, they don't hear the little ones crying
And the plague is coming on fast, ready to kill
One day nearer to dying!

At the end of the day there's another day dawning
And the sun in the morning is waiting to rise
Like the waves crash on the sand, like a storm that'll break any second
There's a hunger in the land, there's a reckoning still to be reckoned
And there's going to be hell to pay
And the end of the day!

At the end of the day you get nothing for nothing!
Lying flat on your bum doesn't buy any bread.
There are children back at home, and the children have got to be fed
And you're lucky to be in a job, and in a bed!
And we're counting our blessings!

Brave- Sara Bareilles

You can be amazing, you can turn a phrase into a weapon or a drug
You can be the outcast, or be the backlash of somebody's lack of love
Or you can start speaking up
Nothing's gonna hurt you the way the words do, when they settle underneath your skin
Kept on the inside and no sunlight, sometimes a shadow wins
But I wonder what would happen if you

Say what you wanna say, and let the words fall out
Honestly, I wanna see you be brave
With what you want to say, and let the words fall out
Honestly, I wanna see you be brave
I just want to see you, I just want to see you, I just want to see you
I wanna see you be brave

Everybody's been there, everybody's been stared down by the enemy
Fallen for the fear, and done some disappearing, bow down to the mighty
Don't run, just stop holding your tongue
Maybe there's a way out of the cage where you live
Maybe one of these days you can let the light in
Show me how big your brave is

Say what you wanna say, and let the words fall out

Honestly, I wanna see you be brave

With what you want to say, and let the words fall out

Honestly, I wanna see you be brave

And since your history of silence won't do you any good

Did you think it would?

Let your words be anything but empty

Why don't you tell them the truth?

Say what you wanna say, and let the words fall out

Honestly, I wanna see you be brave

With what you want to say, and let the words fall out

Honestly, I wanna see you be brave

I just want to see you, I just want to see you, I just want to see you

I wanna see you be brave

Happy Day of Pink

At first I was all, "Yeah I know how to Photoshop thank you this is the 21st century"
And then I was all, "HOW THE HELL do I get that deer to look like its on the moon?"
But that's not the point. The point is I am SO DAMN SICK of being in someone else's shadow.
Hopefully, on Friday, I can go to Patricia-Faith's house so I can shoot a BB gun for the first time. Because that will be fun.

Take That- Back for Good

I guess now it's time for me to give up, I feel it's time
Got a picture of you beside me, got you're lipstick mark still on your coffee cup
Got a fist of pure emotion, got a head of shattered dreams
Gotta leave it, gotta leave it all behind now

Whatever I said, whatever I did, I didn't mean it
I just want you back for good
Whenever I'm wrong just tell me the song and I'll sing it
You'll be right and understood

Unaware but underlines I figured out this story, it wasn't good
But in the corner of my mind I celebrated glory, but that was not to be
In the twist of separation you excelled at being free
Can't you find a little room inside for me

Whatever I said, whatever I did, I didn't mean it
I just want you back for good
Whenever I'm wrong just tell me the song and I'll sing it
You'll be right and understood

And we'll be together, this time forever
We'll be fighting and forever we will be so complete in our love
We will never be uncovered again

Whatever I said, whatever I did, I didn't mean it
I just want you back for good
Whenever I'm wrong just tell me the song and I'll sing it
You'll be right and understood

P.S. When Myles sang this on Degrassi, I just...

Wake me up when September ends- Green Day

Summer has come and past, the innocent can never last
Wake me up when September ends
Like my father's come to ass, seven years has gone so fast
Wake me up when September ends

Here comes the rain again, falling from the stars
Drenched in my pain again, becoming who we are
As my memory rests, but never forgets what I lost
Wake me up when September ends

Summer has come and past, the innocent can never last
Wake me up when September ends
Ring out the bells again, like we did when spring began
Wake me up when September ends

Here comes the rain again, falling from the stars
Drenched in my pain again, becoming who we are
As my memory rest, but never forgets what I lost
Wake me up when September ends

Summer has come and past, the innocent can never last
Wake me up when September ends
Like my father's come to pass
Twenty years has gone so fast

Wake me up when September ends

My Life Inside your Heart- Rise Against

Fighting back the impulse, turn my head and close my eyes
Spending these nights awake and cold and paralyzed
Wonder how we got this far and never realized
The common thread that binds our lives
And I know you hurt, but I can help you if you can...

Take my hand, and we'll live inside the dreams we left behind
Take my hand, as we move from this place to a better life
Take my hand, woah, if you take my hand

Fighting back the feeling that you always could deny
Anything but everything we know is just a lie
As I cremate this memory and watch the darkened ashes rise
And beneath the smoke, I'll stand and ask you if you can

Take my hand, and I'll promise not to ever let it go
Take my hand, 'cause this hope is greater than you'll ever know
Take my hand, and this is all I'll ever ask of you to show

Fight back the urges, turn my head and close my eyes
And will I wake tomorrow still alive

I'm still dreaming, I'm still waiting, I'm still sure
You're still living in a life that isn't yours
And this part of my I hope you never see
This is my life inside your heart

Take my hand, and I'll promise not to ever let it go
Take my hand, 'cause this hope is greater than you'll ever know
Take my hand, and this is all I'll ever ask of you to show

50th post

• There's nothing worse than losing who you thought was your best friend. They just wake up one morning and decide they don't like you anymore and just leave you. Ignore you. Hurt you. Break promises, and forget all those memories. It's truly sad, especially when you did nothing wrong.
• Maybe it's not about the happy ending. Maybe it's about the story.
• I'm just a person. I love being complimented, but I'll never believe it. I'm not always right, but I hate admitting I'm wrong. I'm almost always smiling, but sometimes it's not real. I can be read like an open book, but I can hide so much. I work hard, but don't always get what I deserve. I'm just a person.
• Friendship means understanding, not agreement. It means forgiveness, not forgetting. It means memories last, even if contact is lost.
• I always have this fear that one day you are going to discover I'm not as great as you once thought I was.
• If you make people think they're thinking, they'll love you; but if you really make them think, they'll hate you.

Me basically at school all day

• I hate all of you
• Stop screaming you saw your friend yesterday
• Holy crap walk faster
• Get smarter you idiot
• Maybe if I hit my head on my desk enough times I'll die

Blame it on the girls- MIKA

He's got looks that books take pages to tell
He's got a face to make you fall on your knees
He's got money in the bank to thank and I guess
You could think that he's living at ease
Like lovers on the open shore, what's the matter?
When you're sitting there with so much more, what's the matter?
While you're wondering what the hell to be
Are you wishing you were ugly like me?

Blame it on the girls who know what to do
Blame it on the boys who keep hitting on you
Blame it on your mother for the things she said
Blame it on your father, but you know he's dead
Blame it on the girls, blame it on the boys
Blame it on the girls, blame it on the boys

 Life could be simple but you never fail
To complicate it every single time
You could have children and a wife, a perfect little life
But you blow it on a bottle of wine
Like a baby you're a stubborn child, what's the matter?
Always looking for an axe to grind, what's the matter?
While you're wondering what the hell to do
We were wishing we were lucky like you

You feel me?

When it comes to love songs, they're great
They gave Taylor Swift her debut
But when it comes to my family
I wish there was more I could do
I'm not complaining
It could be so much worse
But I wish I wanted to be in family photos
And that they never got divorced
I wish we made Christmas cookies
And went trick-or-treating
Believed in Easter bunnies
And the Tooth Fairy stealing
That I wouldn't have two Thanksgivings
To be at every year
And on the Fourth of July
Everyone would be here
I want to feel less awkward
When I talk to my dad
Because only two months a year
Isn't the arrangement I wish we had

List of my Phobias

• Lygophobia/Myctophobia/Scotophobia- fear of darkness
• Aphenphosmphobia/Haphephobia/Chiraptophobia- fear of being touched
• Automatonophobia- fear of ventriloquist's dummies, animatronic creatures, wax statues, anything thing that falsely represents a sentient being.
• Enochlophobia- fear of crowds
• Coulrophobia- fear of clowns
• Demonophobia/Daemonophobia- fear of demons
• Kosmikophobia- fear of cosmic phenomenon
• Necrophobia- fear of death or dead things
• Nyctophobia- fear of the dark or of night
• Philophobia- fear of falling in love or being in love
• Psycohobia- fear of mind

#FirstWorldProblems

So apparently there's a gas leak at our school in the cafeteria? And the only thing they have for us to eat is sandwiches and milk. And probably salad. Instead of chicken, and mashed potatoes, or whatever they were going to serve us before they let gas leak everywhere. What I want to know is, why aren't we at home? I'm pretty sure this is dangerous enough. Im absolutely sure, actually.

You feel me?

I think the term "Pathological Liar" should be an oxymoron.