Sometimes when you hate things you don't avoid them at all costs. You just try to keep other people from experiencing it. I really wish a third party came to me when I was doing some really stupid mean shit and told me what they thought. Because sometimes is hard to see something when you're right in it. I don't freaking run after drama. If someone doesn't ask for my help I don't freaking get involved. God that hurt. To think someone you value so much thinks so little of you. I really hate drama. I just hate looking on my contacts list and realizing there is no one I can talk to more. Even if it's the pettiest shit I can't stand the idea of making anyone else feel that way. Cause it sucks. And that's how I feel now. I can't imagine why you'd stay with someone you think so little of. Just don't, cause you'd hurt them more staying with them than breaking up with them. The person who has so much drama revolving around them all the time is the same person who was the first and only to realize by themselves that I lie and put others before myself. It's hard to be a people pleaser and not get involved in drama. But I do a pretty good job of not dragging others into it. Maybe I don't. Maybe I don't and should just stop being that person.
All I know right now is I can't stop crying and I know the person who I want to talk to about it will think smaller of me because of this.
