I Am The School Of Hard Knocks

God Fucking Damnit
These people are freaking ridiculous.
Jesus Fucking Christ if I throw myself as many pity parties as they do no wonder I want to slit my wrists all the damn time
Why is the simple fact so hard to understand
It doesn't fucking end here. "I'll never find love again" Shut the fuck up. This is literally the text I just sent someone:
"You're just throwing yourself these pity parties and just, God. Enough. You're not fucking helpless. If you don't like something about yourself, change it. You're not even trying to be happy cause you're so damn set on thinking that there's this one thing that'll make you happy, some girl that fucking cheated on you three days after she got another option. Maybe you were a bad boyfriend I don't fucking know, it doesn't fucking matter. You were probably a bad boyfriend partly because you don't love yourself, which, surprise surprise, means you don't even know what real love is, which would explain a lot because you couldn't hurt someone so bad if you truly loved them.  I'm a completely objective third party and she fucked up man. And she's fucking you up too. Maybe you think you deserve it because you fucked her up, but, news flash, people fuck each other up, it happens, stop dwelling on it and move the fuck on, cause even if you guys are a match made in the stars, her getting back together with someone ho doesn't love himself and literally thinks he's gonna die without her isn't gonna do either of you any good. Jesus."

Oh, and also, I feel like I've been wanting a Kristoff and I thought I had to be Anna to get it but I'll be damned if I can't have my cake and eat it too, cause I'm kind of fucking proud of what I just wrote and Anna couldn't spit that shit out.

Idina Menzel- Making Today A Perfect Day

We're making today a perfect day for you
We're making today a smiley face all shiny and new
Kristoff: There's a fine line between chaos
Olaf: And the hullabaloo!
So we're making today a perfect day
Making today a perfect day
A! N! N! A!
Making today a perfect day for you!!

Kristoff: Happy Birthday
Making today a perfect day and no feeling blue
Kristoff: I LOVE YOU BABY!!
For every thing you are to us
And all that you do
Kristoff: Well, I do
We're making today a perfect day
Making today a perfect day
We're making today a perfect day

Perfect day

When Kristoff sings, "I love you, baby!" It's easily one of my favorite things ever

P!nk- So What

Na na na na na na na na na na na na na
I guess I just lost my husband, I don't know where he went
So I'm gonna drink my money, I'm not gonna pay his rent
I got a brand new attitude, I'm gonna wear it tonight
I'm wanna get in trouble, I wanna start a fight

Na na na na na na na I wanna start a fight
Na na na na na na na I wanna start a fight

So, so what? I'm still a rock star
I got my rock moves, and I don't need you
And guess what, I'm having more fun
And now that we're done, I'm gonna show you tonight
I'm all right, I'm just fine
And you're a tool, so, so what?
I am a rock star, I got my rock moves
And I don't want you tonight

Uh, check my flow, aw

The waiter just took my table and gave it to Jessica Simps(shit!)
I guess I'll go sit with drum boy, at least he'll know how to hit
What if this song's on the radio, then somebody's gonna die
I'm gonna get in trouble, my ex will start a fight

Na na na na na na na he's gonna start a fight
Na na na na na na na we're all gonna get in a fight

So, so what? I'm still a rock star
I got my rock moves, and I don't need you
And guess what, I'm having more fun
And now that we're done, I'm gonna show you tonight
I'm all right, I'm just fine
And you're a tool so, so what?
I am a rock star, I got my rock moves
And I don't need you tonight

You weren't there, you never were
You want it all, but that's not fair
I gave you life, I gave my all
You weren't there, you let me fall

So, so what? I'm still a rock star
I got my rock moves, and I don't need you
And guess what, I'm having more fun
And now that we're done, I'm gonna show you tonight
I'm all right, I'm just fine
And you're a tool so, so what?
I am a rock star, I got my rock moves
And I don't need you tonight

No, no, no, no
I don't want you tonight
You weren't there
I'm gonna show you tonight
I'm all right, I'm just fine
And you're a tool so, so what
I am a rock star, I got my rock moves
And I don't want you tonight!

Worst Realization

I feel the best I ever have since I've started pushing everyone away
I also feel the most lonely

Alessia Cara- Here

I guess right now you've got the last laugh

I'm sorry if I seem uninterested
Or I'm not listening, or I'm indifferent
Truly, I ain't got no business here but since my friends are here
I just came to kick it
But really I would rather be at home all by myself
Not in this room with people who don't even care about my well being
I don't dance, don't ask, I don't need a boyfriend
So you can go back, please enjoy your party I'll be here
Somewhere in this corner under clouds of marijuana
With this boy who's hollering I can hardly hear
Over this music I don't listen to and I don't want to get with you
So tell my friends that I'll be over here

Oh, here, oh, here
I ask myself what am I doing here?
Oh here, oh, here
And I can't wait until we can break up out of here

Excuse me if I seem a little unimpressed with this, an antisocial pessimist
And usually I don't mess with this
And I know you only mean the best and your intentions aren't to bother me
But honestly I'd rather be somewhere with my people
We can kick it and just listen to some music with the message
Like we usually do
And we'll discuss our big dreams, how we plan to take over the planet
So pardon my manners, I hope you'll understand that I'll be here
Not there in the kitchen with that girl who's always gossiping about her friends
So tell them I'll be here
Right next to the boy who's throwing up cause he can't take what's in his cup no more
Oh god, why am I here?

Oh, here, oh, here
I ask myself what am I doing here?
Oh, here, oh, here
And I can't wait until we can break up out of here

Hours later, congregating next to the refrigeratior
Some girl's talking about her haters, she ain't got none
How did it ever come to this, I should have never come to this
So holler at me I'll be in the car when you're done
I'm standoffish, don't want what you're offering, and I'm done talking
Awfully sad it had to be that way
So tell my people when they're ready that I'm ready
And I'm standing by the TV with my beanie low
Yo, I'll be over here

Oh, here, oh, here
I ask myself what am I doing here?
Oh, here, oh, here
And I can't wait until we can break up out of here

Oh, oh

Kill Me

I have the worst migrane in the history of ever and I'm praying to god I don't have homework or readings due tomorrow

Two types, two kinds

There are two types of love. There's the kind that you find in good morning texts and shy smiles. The kind that comes with butterflies and stolen glances. The kind where you laugh for no reason and a smile is forever glued to your face. Sweet, simple, honest, pure
And then there's
The kind that finds you in 2 a.m. phone calls and the tears on your pillow. The kind that comes with a war between your brain and your heart. The kind where nothing makes you happier and nothing makes you sadder. Passionate, overwhelming, intense, daring
And when it all comes crashing down
So do you.

There are two kinds of love. In the safe kind you look for someone who's exactly like you. It's what most folks settle for. But then there's the other kind of love. Everyone's born with a ragged edge, and some folks crave that piece that's a perfect fit. You'll search for it forever, if you have to. And if you're lucky enough to find it, it looks so right, you start to tear at your own seams, thinking, maybe I could look just as perfect. But then, of course, when you try to get close to their other half, you don't fit anymore. That kind of love, you come out of it a different person than you were when you started.

There are two types of waiting. There's the waiting you do for something you know is coming, sooner or later- like waiting for the 6:28  train, or the school bus, or a party where a certain handsome man might be. And then there's the waiting for something you don't know is coming. You don't even know what it is exactly, but you're hoping for it. You're imagining it and living your life for it. That's the kind of waiting that makes a fist in your heart.

There are two kinds of forgiveness, the kind that when you forgive you're also giving them another chance. Or the kind where you forgive, but move on without them. Use them both wisely

Tahereh Mafi quotes

I don't know how to hate you anymore. Even though I want to. I really want to and I know I should but I just can't

I press my palm to the small pane of glass and feel the cold clasp my hand in a familiar embrace. We are both alone, both existing as he absence of something else.

Raindrops are my only reminder that clouds have a heartbeat and that I have one too

Sometimes I think the loneliness inside of me is going to explode through my skin and sometimes I'm not sure if crying or screaming or laughing through the hysteria will solve anything at all. Sometimes I'm so desperate to touch to be touched to feel that I'm almost certain I'm going to fall off a cliff into an alternate universe where no one will ever be able to find me. It doesn't seem possible. I've been screaming for years and no one has ever heard me

I'm oxygen and he's dying to breathe

Find me cure for these tears. I'd really like to exhale for the first time in my life

Hope is a pocket of possibility

My life is four walls of missed opportunities poured into concrete molds

The moon understands what its like to be human. Uncertain. Alone. Cratered by imperfections

In the absence of human relationships I formed bonds with paper characters

26 letters are all I need. I can stitch them together to create oceans and ecosystems. I can fit them together to form planets and solar systems. I can use letters to construct skyscrapers and metropolitan cities populated by people, places, things, and ideas that are more real to me than these four walls. I need nothing but letters to live

There will be a bird today. It will be white with streaks of gold like a crown atop its head. It will fly.

"Because if I lower my voice, I won't be able to hear myself speak. And that," he says, "is my favorite part."

A Softer World quotes

Depression is like slashing at ghosts. Of course, it's tempting to finally cut something real.

The end will come like an iceberg and I will help everyone else into the lifeboats hiding my relief behind a hero's mask

A bloody knife and a smile. Why? What are you wearing?

Remember when your potential was a promise instead of a regret?

I got myself a time machine, only to learn the disappointing truth that whenever I go, then I am

How many wailing ghosts have I ignored annoyed at one more neighbors noise?

I like myself best when I remember to be kind to the prisoners

Before we teach computers to love maybe we should teach them about personal boundaries

I don't want to live forever. I'm not even sure I want the time I have

Waking up is nice for these first few moments before you remember who and what you are

Our bodies are ours to break, ours to throw into rivers, ours to light on fire, ours to launch into the depths of space

Suicidal is an ugly word. I am just homesick for a better time

Would you rather live forever or figure out how to live now

17 Years

For some really weird reason, for the last year and a half I've been really freaked out by my 17th birthday. I've always felt in my heart that I wouldn't make it to 17, even now I'm freaked that I'm going to like, die in my sleep tonight.
This week I've started trying to figure out why I felt that way for so long. Did I know Chelsea was going to die before my 17th? Or my Uncle Eddie? Or that my ex boyfriend's and I's relationship was going to die?
But right now, I think it's all of those. A year and a half ago I had a different set of friends, a different view on relationships, and I had never lost anyone.
But I know I've lost me, and it's not a bad thing.
I'm a completely different person than I was a year and a half ago, even a year ago. A lot of shitty stuff has happened, discovering cutting, abusing prescriptions, bordering anorexia, breakups, both with my friends and those more than friends, losing one of the closest people in my life. And the person I was couldn't have dealt with it.
But the person I am now, can. And I have. Whoever I was is gone, she died somewhere between all that stuff. And I know that death was agonizing, and it may not even be over. Maybe it's not even a metaphorical death, but I'm not killing myself tonight. And that's a victory all in itself.
I don't know. But at least I'm more ready for it now than I was.
Happy Birthday To Me

Fall Out Boy- Centuries

Some legends are told, some turn to dust or to gold
But you will remember me, remember me for centuries
And just one mistake is all it will take
We'll go down in history, remember me for centuries
Remember me for centuries

Mummified my teenage dreams
No, it's nothing wrong with me
The kids are all wrong
The story's all off
Heavy metal broke my heart

Come on, come on and let me in
The bruises on your thighs like my fingerprints
And this is supposed to match the darkness that you felt
I never meant for you to fix yourself

Some legends are told, some turn to dust or to gold
But you will remember me, remember me for centuries
And just one mistake is all it will take
We'll go down in history, remember me for centuries
Remember me for centuries

And I can't stop until the whole world knows my name
'Cause I was only born inside my dreams
Until you die for me, as long as there's light, my shadow's over you
'Cause I, I am the opposite of amnesia
And you're a cherry blossom, you're about to bloom
You look so pretty, but you're gone so soon

Some legends are told, some turn to dust or to gold
But you will remember me, remember me for centuries
And just one mistake is all it will take
We'll go down in history, remember me for centuries
Remember me for centuries

We've been here forever
And here's the frozen proof
I could scream forever
We are the poisoned youth

Some legends are told, some turn to dust or to gold
But you will remember me, remember me for centuries
And just one mistake is all it will take
We'll go down in history, remember me for centuries
Remember me for centuries

We'll go down in history
Remember me for centuries

Elvis Presley- I Can't Help Falling in Love With You

Wise men say only fools rush in
But I can't help falling in love with you
Shall I stay, would it be a sin
If I can't help falling in love with you

Like a river flows surely to the sea
Darling, so it goes, some things were meant to be
Take my hand, take my whole life too
For I can't help falling in love with you

For I can't help falling in love with you

https://www.facebook.com/lovewhatreallymatters/videos/991189497570115/

Pippin- Morning Glow

Why won't my hands stop shaking
When all the earth is still
So many ancient ghosts are waking
So many steps need taking
So many plans need making
I think I will, I think I will

Morning glow, morning glow
Starts to glimmer when you know
Winds of change are set to blow
And sweep this whole land through
Morning glow is long past due

Morning glow fill the earth
Come and shine for all you're worth
We'll be present at the birth
Of all things looking new
Morning glow is long past due

Oh morning glow
I'd like to help you grow
We should have started long ago

So morning glow all day long
As we sing tomorrow's song
Never knew we could be so strong
But now it's very clear

Morning glow is almost here

Morning glow, by your light
We can make the new day bright
And the phantoms of the night
Will fade into the past

Morning glow is here at last!

Three Questions

What was it like to love him? Asked Gratitude.
It was like being exhumed, I answered. And brought to life in a flash of brilliance.

What was it like to be loved in return? Asked Joy.
It was like being seen after a perpetual darkness, I replied. To be heard after a lifetime of silence.

What was it like to lose him? Asked Sorrow.
There was a long pause before I responded:

It was like hearing every goodbye ever said to me-- said all at once.

-Lang Leav

I think

Sometimes the key is accepting that you will always love someone. And that's okay. There's no need to change it

And sometimes prayer fails

Sometimes all you can do is accept that these hits of self-hatred will come at you and you can't escape them and they'll make you so sick mentally, physically, and emotionally that you can hardly function and just pray to God one of them doesn't happen when you have access to a razor.

Author Anonymous

As I sit in heaven
And watch you everyday
I try to let you know with signs
I never went away
I hear you when you're laughing
And watch you as you sleep
I even place my arms around you
To calm you as you weep
I see you wish the days away
Begging to have me home
So I try to send you signs
So you know you're not alone
Don't feel guilty that you have
Life that was denied to me
Heaven is truly beautiful
Just you wait and see
So live your life, laugh again
Enjoy yourself, be free
Then I know with every breath you take
You'll be taking one for me