I'm so not fine

I don't even know where to begin. Like,

1. I'm so freaking worried about my cousin it's killing me
2. I think I'm actually going insane
3. I can't stop thinking about suicide and how it will effect those around me
4. How I'm going to maintain my friends if I don't even want to know myself
5. How the hell I'm going to explain to my boyfriend that being with him means I can check something else off my bucket list
6. I can no longer connect with my parents like I used to
7. I'm soooooooo sick of work already
8. LORD JUST LET ME DIE

So that last one wasn't a reason why I'm not fine that was just me banging my head on my headboard